


Second Time Around

by Midnight_Musings



Series: Ghosts That We Knew [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Credence Barebone Lives, I put reasons for explicit rating and all the warnings in the notes, Is a sequel to another fic but can be read as a standalone tbh, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2018-11-22 13:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11381574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Musings/pseuds/Midnight_Musings
Summary: He is a shadow, Credence thinks. Or a ghost.He does not know how long it has been since he died. Days, weeks, months. It could have been years.Either way, he is alive. No one could see him, feel him, hear him. He could wander freely and do as he pleased.Yes, he was alone, but wasn't he always?





	1. Overture

**Author's Note:**

> OH HO HO HO LOOK WHO HAS FINALLY STARTED THIS AFTER M O N T H S
> 
> I'm so sorry. I really really meant to have this up fecking ages ago, but life got in the way. And writers block. I did not have the time or motivation, but now, oh but now. I am ready to pummel this mofo out and write. 
> 
> This is rated explicit because this fanfiction will deal with depression, PTSD, graphic depictions of violence, sex
> 
> I will always put any warnings in the notes before a chapter, and if there is something in particular you would want to be warned about just give me a comment telling me. 
> 
> This is a very short opening, I know, but hopefully it gives you a little taste, shows i haven't forgotten and will tie you over till July 10th when I plan to get chapter one up (it would be the 9th but London Pride is on the 8th and the whole of the 9th will be spent nursing the hangover or making my way from which ever strangers home i end up at)
> 
> \+ the title is from the song 'Second Time Around' by The Tiny. Specifically the lyric "lean your heavy head on my chest" was the reason i chose the title.

_"If anyone harms him they will answer to me!"_

Graves turns back to him, but the lights from the wands in the distance hit him before anyone else can react.

He almost welcomes it.

Then, the excruciating pain makes him think otherwise.

* * *

Guilt is an odd thing. It doesn't hit you at once, and it might not even be something you even notice at first. It chips away at you, slowly. It might start with a thought or two.

_"I should have been there.”_

_“I should have fought harder.”_  

 _“I should have saved him.”_  

Of course, these are things that can’t be fixed. You tell yourself that. _You did the best you could. You tried your hardest._  

But, it starts back up, and this time. It isn’t your voice. It’s familiar, one you never thought was possible to hear again.

This time, it cuts deeper into you, because now you are hearing those dreaded things from the person you cared about most.

_“You should have fought harder.”_

_“You have been there”_

_“You should have saved_ **_me_ ** _.”_

Then the nightmares start, and they are worse. They can’t be controlled, distracted away. They are a manifestation of everything that you’ve tried to repress and forget. Attacking you, tearing you apart, every time you sleep. The only place you thought was safe. 

Percival tries not to sleep after a few weeks.

* * *

He is a shadow, Credence thinks. Or a ghost.  
  
He does not know how long it has been since he died. Days, weeks, months. It could have been years.  
  
Either way, he is alive. No one could see him, feel him, hear him. Credence could wander freely and do as he pleased.  
  
Yes, he was alone, but wasn't he always?

X X X

He wonders around the side streets and back alleys he used to frequent. The darkness and isolation give him comfort, the memories make him feel guilty, angry, used. 

Credence Barebone does not know how he feels about Percival Graves. How can you both love and hate someone in equal measures of passion? 

He spots Tina one day, calls out to her, but she does not hear him. None of them do.

And then. Later.

He sees Percival Graves.

 


	2. Lost In My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter title is after Lost In My Mind by The Head and the Heart) -
> 
> WARNINGS FOR THE CHAPTER  
> \- Drug use/drug references  
> \- Alcohol  
> \- Reference to sex  
> \- PTSD (hallucinations, disassociation, panic attack, nightmares)
> 
> EDIT - I combined two of the chapters into one - and then cleaned up some of the errors, nothing new here

"You aren’t okay."

"I have work to finish, Tina."

"Please don't lie to me," she said. "I can tell something's wrong and I think you-"

"You have a job, don't you? Forgive me I've lost track of a number of times you've been demoted Or fired? I forget sometimes."

"I know that you are only saying these things so I'll leave you alone. And any other time I would hex you and go, but I have some sort of patience working with me today, so I'm gonna ask you again. What's wrong?"

Percival sighed and placed his quill down. "Why are you so insistent on asking me about this?"

“Because you look awful.”

“How kind of you to say.”

Tina rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. You look tired, exhausted, to be honest. It’s not just me that’s noticed.”

“Who else?”

Tina raised an eyebrow.

“Who else has noticed?”

“Is that really relevant?”

Percival glowered. “If you’re gossiping about me, then yes I think it is.”

“It isn’t gossiping.” snapped Tina. “We are concerned and we have a right to discuss that.”

“Still haven't answered my question.”

“Queenie, Picquary, Abernathy, Evelyn.”

“Who set you up to this then?” Percival spat. “Sera? Trying to get back in her good books?”

“Is it so hard to believe that we just care about you and genuinely want to know how you’re doing?” Tina retorted.

“What do you want me to say, Tina? That I have nightmares, that it’s my fault Credence is dead, that I think I see him walking down the street, that I wish it had been me?"

"Perce-"

“Would that make you feel better? Make me seem like a human being, make into something different so Grindelwald's deception isn't lingering in your minds. Or do you want me to say that I'm fine? Work has been busy and I'm stressed. You have nothing to worry about and don’t have to fix poor defenceless Mr Graves who couldn’t even win a duel and protect himself.”

“Mr Graves-”

“You don’t need to know about my health because it is none of your goddamn businesses, and even if I were to tell you, you’d be so put off by what you hear, you’ll wish you’d have never even asked in the first place. Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Goldstein." spat Percival. "I have work to be getting on with.”

Percival glowered down at his work, refusing to look at her as he flicked his wand, letting the office door swing open.

Tina slammed the door behind her in response.

“Fuck.” Percival threw his quill down in frustration.

He knew that he shouldn’t have lost his temper with Tina, she was only trying to help him. However, there was something about the people around him all discussing him that seemed to push him over the edge. His patience had been wearing ever thinner those past few days, and the lack of sleep really didn’t help him to control his increasing temper. Every time he tried to rest, his mind seemed to be plagued with every thought he had tried to repress throughout the day. His choice of throwing himself into work had backfired, and conscious mind was starting to slip away too. He wasn’t free of his nightmares when asleep or awake.

Percival couldn’t describe it as anything else but to say that he was losing time. He’d sit down, his thoughts slipping away into to the cloud of grey that hovered over him, and then it’s hours later, he does not remember that much time passing, Does not remember what he was doing or thinking, and feel like he had no control left over anything. It was pathetic, he sourly. He was one bad day away from being locked up, thought Percival.

The knock on his office door had him reaching instinctively for his wand.

“Sir?” It was Abernathy.

“What do you want?”

“Sir, it’s quite late, most people have already gone. I was just checking everything was alright.”

He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already 10. “Fine, I have somewhere to be Abernathy I’ll be leaving now.”

Abernathy looked as if he wanted to say something, but if he was going to, he decided against it. He only nodded and vacated the room.

Percival hurriedly shoved his work into the desk drawer, pulled on his coat, and left locking the office door behind him. He avoided Abernathy on his way out. He could barely deal with that pill on the best of days, today he certainly did not have the energy.  
  
As soon as he was out of the building he turned on the spot, apparating from the place.

He never anticipated he would stoop this low. Paying for sex, for the company. Just to be with someone who didn’t know him, couldn’t get close to him, couldn’t judge him. Be someone Percival wouldn’t ruin. To feel anything else. It did the job, distracted him for a short while. Made him feel a little more human, knowing that his emotions were still able to vary from something other than anger.

This time, he felt nothing. In the dimly lit room, with warm hands gliding across his body, no feeling of want or desire, Pleasure was void.

He rolled away from the man underneath him, breath heavy, mind racing.

“Jesus, Percy,” the other man said. “Giving you all my best moves and even that can’t make you feel better? Sure you ain’t crazy?”

“Starting to think it, Lawrence, believe me.” mumbled Percival.

“What happened to you anyway? I mean every bastard with a wand down to the ass-end of Texas knows what went on here, but you specifically.”

“I was held against my will by Grindelwald is that not enough of a fucking reason to act weird?”

“I suppose,” said Lawrence. “But there’s something else. You could go to any bar and get a nice boy to go home with you, yet you come here and pay for it, when you really don’t need to.”

“This is more impersonal-”

“That’s the thing, why do you want it to be impersonal. You lose someone you care about? You stuck on someone?”

“What? Is it so bad I don’t wanna look like some drugstore cowboy?” Percival didn’t know whether he wanted to commend him or punch him in the face. He could probably do a good job working at MACUSA with how goddamn intuitive he is. “Do you really need to know?” he asked eventually.

Lawrence winked. “Conversation is included in the price, honey.”

“Yes, I did lose someone, who was very close to me.”

“In the war?”

“No, a little more recently.”

“What was wrong? He a little more King Arthur than Merlin?”

Percival shook his head. “No, he wasn’t a no-Maj, there was an accident, and,” He paused. “Damn it, I’m here to make myself feeling better not drag up all of this shit.”

“All right you wet blanket, just trying to get to know you a little better, I do it with all my regulars.”

“Lawrence-”

“Pipe down, I got something for you.” He pulled open a drawer beside him, pulling out a vial containing a white powder.

“They call it snow-”

Percival raised his eyebrows. “Snow?”

“Don’t give me that. Just try it.”  Lawrence dipped his finger into the powder, a little clinging to his finger-tip. “Open.”

Percival complied and opened his mouth. Lawrence rubbed the powder under his top lip, smearing it across his gums.

“I think it started as a no-Maj deal, but it works just as good on us lot too. It sort of melts into your mouth, makes you feel good.”

“Not feeling anything at the moment.”

“There's another way for a better effect,” Lawrence said, tipping a small amount of the powder onto the table, using a scrap of parchment to form it into a line. “Then roll up the parchment like this.” He handed it to Percival, “Put it to your nose and inhale.”

Percival did as instructed, and watched Lawerence follow suit.

“You feel it yet?” he asked.  
  
“I feel warmer, alert.”

“It’ll help you hit on all sixes. Make you feel happy. For a while at least.” said Lawrence. “Be careful not to have too much, don’t wanna become dependent on that stuff to feel good. That’s how I make my money.”

“How long does it usually last?”

“A couple hours at the most. You can feel pretty lousy after if you ain’t careful. Usually, it’s okay though, just feel a little more tired than usual.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s possible,” Percival said, stretching his arms. “Fuck, am I meant to feel this jittery?”

“It makes you feel awake. Just move around a bit and you’ll start to feel pretty good.”

“I should get going anyway. I have work tomorrow. How much do I owe you?” Percival got to his feet and started to redress.

“On the house this time baby.”

“Lawrence,” Percival did the last button on his shirt. “Look, this isn’t a, you’re a great guy, but I-”

“Percey, honey. I don’t mean it like that. I know this is just sex, and being honest, if you never came back I wouldn’t care. You’re a customer, but I like you as a person, and I, kinda feel sorry for you.”

“Great. Another one.” muttered Percival.

“Catch,” said Lawrence, throwing him a small glass tube, filled with the same white powder. “There’s enough in there for about ten lines. Don’t use it all at once, it’s a real orchid..”

“Thanks, Lawrence,” Percival pulled on his coat, pocketing the powder,  and made his way to exit, not before laying a couple dragots on the dresser near the door.

Percival decided to walk again from speakeasy back to his home, the effects of whatever Lawrence had given him now starting to emerge, he felt too much energy to simply apparate. He could understand why people would take this because he does feel better. For the first time in months, he feels awake, capable of laughter and functioning like a normal fucking human.

The thoughts that clouded him so much seemed pushed away, to the back where they couldn’t follow him so closely. His mind was racing, the events of the day replaying, his brain alight. Queenie had asked him to go for dinner with her and Tina again, and like all the other times, he refused. There was something about being around them that made him feel uneasy. The way they looked at him, he couldn't decide whether it was pity or resentment. Tina wanted to look after Credence. Like a younger brother. He ruined that, he didn’t protect him, and Percival felt he was a constant reminder of this. He wouldn’t spend any more time than he needed to around them. There was something about Percival that ruined anyone that close to him.

In his restlessness, he had not released where he was walking. It wasn’t until Percival recognised the Woolworth building from across the road, where he had taken himself.

The familiar alleyway, where he had spoken to Credence so many times.

The last time.

It was as if Percival could see Credence standing there, apologizing.

 

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”_

 

_“Get back.”_

 

And now he felt physically sick because he could see it, He could see Credence erupting into a ball of black mass, hurtling towards him and he cannot move, he cannot blink, speak and everything is telling him to run.

Then nothing, only the empty streets of the night. Now, Percival’s thoughts are accelerating, unable to slow them down just so he can breathe. They don’t, they won’t, his breaths became gasps, and he knows how this will go if he doesn't regain control, but he already feels the lightheadedness, the hammering inside his chest, like everything is spinning.

He slid down the wall, knees up to his chest, head down, _focus on breathing, you aren’t dying, you are okay, there was nothing there, you aren’t crazy._

When his breathing finally levelled to a normal pace, and his legs had regained feeling from the previous numbness, he apparated home. He didn’t want to sleep, did not want to be plagued by those nightmares again. Could not see Credence’s bloody and bruised face again lurching towards him, ripping him apart piece by piece, laughing the same cold cruel laugh that echoed in the dark prison he had been kept in.

He fished out the vial of powder from his coat pocket, and poured out a little, moving it into a line, just as Lawrence did, then inhaled. While the effect was not instantaneous, it did not take long for the burst of energy to start flowing through Percival. He scratched at his arm absentmindedly. He knew this was dangerous, dependence on anything was not good, but at that moment, he just didn’t care enough to think about the consequences this would have on himself.

He pulled up an armchair to face his front door and sat down, wand in hand. Waiting.

* * *

_Maybe, it was the feeling of exhaustion or the fact he’d been going out his way lately to get himself in trouble. Percival decided to go to a bar, a normal, completely illegal, goes against prohibition bar, full of normal, non-magical people. Not caring that he might be seen, that someone would report him, that he could lose his job, be attacked by any sort of fanatic and beaten to a bloody pulp. Or killed._

_Just a little way from where he’d meet Lawrence, underground, hidden, was a small bar. It used to be more out in the open before no-Maj prohibition laws had come into action. He’d been there with Sera a few times when they were younger and always ended up there with Theseus when he was in town._

_The familiarity was comforting, having given up all sense of caring, about recognition or consequence. It was one of the better feelings washing over him. Somewhat dampening the cloud of guilt and anger that so usually clung onto him._

_There were several things about these places Percival liked. The people, for one thing, hearing about their lives, their jobs, what they did for fun, Emersion into a whole new world, only a short walk from his house. The drinks and music were only a bonus. He used to come to these places very often when he was young before he had more responsibilities. He’d sneak out late at night, thank the gods that his brother or father never caught him, and would go there to watch, learn, discover. Coupled with Percival’s uncanny knack of knowing a queer man when he sees one, well there ended up being quite a lot that Percival was able to learn._

 

* * *

“Percy!”

He snapped his eyes towards the door,

“What?”

“Merlin, I’ve been talking, haven’t you listened to anything that I’ve said?”

“Sorry Sera, I’m just a little tired.”

“Is that why are you tapping your foot? Restless and tired all at once, must be a pain. What’s going on with you?”

Percival glanced over at the clock on the wall. Five O’clock. Last time he checked it was only two, and that wasn’t even that long ago. Was it? He was positive that no more than an hour could have passed.

“Percival!”

“Sorry Sera, sorry, what were you saying?”

“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to listen. Someone, not naming names, came to me saying that they think they saw you coming out of a bar, that was most certainly not meant for us. Now, they weren’t sure if it was you and they were also very sympathetic towards you and what you’ve been through, so decided to ask me first, and I said that I doubted it was you but I would sort it out.”

Seraphina held up a hand to silence Percival who had opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t talk, just listen. Now, we used to go to those places when we were young, and I know that you’ve always found them interesting, so if you did go fine, a little reminiscing never hurt anyone, but I’d tell you that you aren’t a teenager anymore. You have a lot more to lose and you cannot do it again. Everyone is being watched closely and you can’t afford a slip up like that. Don’t give anyone a reason to try and tear you down. ”

“And if I wasn’t there?” he asked.

“Well, if you weren’t there, then just ignore everything I said.”

“Is that all?”

“No, there’s something else. I’m in London next week. There’s been a meeting scheduled about the current state of security, and the transfer of Grindelwald to a high-security environment in England. ”

“You’re telling me this because?”

There was something in Seraphina’s face that he couldn’t quite make out. Pity? Concern? Anger? All three?

“Percival, please remind me what your job is.”

“Oh, oh shit, you want me to go with you?”

Seraphina nodded, her expression remaining the same. “Unfortunately yes. Percy, I don’t even want you back at work let alone travelling.”

Percival rolled his eyes. “Sera, we have had this conversation a million times. Work helps, and if you need me to go with you I’m happy to.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes, besides, I haven’t been there in a while, it’ll be nice to see the place again. Catch up with Theseus.”

“You haven’t written to him. Why?” asked Sera.

“I wasn’t under the impression I needed to.”

“He’s your friend, he’s been more of a brother to you than Lance ever was.”

She had him on that one. Percival’s relationship with his father was strained and the one was his brother was even worse. Theseus had filled a gap in his family that Percival had not got from his brother, and his father had always been closer to Lancelot than Percival. Prouder. Youngest Magical President in recent history.

He hadn't spoken to his brother in years when his parents died, he moved to become an Unspeakable at the Ministry of Magic in London.

His brother hadn’t even come to see him after they had found him. No letter, no acknowledgement, nothing. Theseus on the other had come only a few hours after he woke up, was insisting on staying longer until Percival managed to persuade him to go back home. Not to miss work or responsibilities.

Seraphina was right, Lancelot was not Percival’s brother. He had never acted like one and if it were not for a blood relation, Percival would want to have no connection to him at all. Theseus, on the other hand, did care about him, acted like family,

But, there was something that was stopping him from writing to Theseus. Not wanting to burden him, another person, with his problems. Of course, there were also things that he couldn’t tell him. Percival didn't think narcotics and nightmares would go down without Theseus thinking action would need to be taken, and he didn’t need that. He was in control. Mostly.

“I just, haven’t had the time,” Percival said, desperate to move on from the topic.

“Don’t fuck around with me Percy, I’ve known you too long for that.”

“Really?” he scoffed. “Can tell the difference now?”

“You know what I mean. Just,” Percival felt guilty at the look that washed over Seraphina’s face.

“Come to my office before you go home. I’ll give you all the information for the meeting and-“

He went back to staring out of the window. It had started raining from the time they started this conversation. Or maybe it had been raining the whole time and he just hadn’t noticed. That was something that was becoming a lot more frequent than he’d like to have admitted.

He kept feeling like he being watched, seeing things. Maybe it was the effect of the drug Lawrence had given him, or maybe he needed a one-way trip St Malus’s Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

He couldn’t even decide if it was worth it. Ingesting the narcotics. The effects were good, to an extent, he didn’t need to sleep, had energy, felt somewhat happy, even if it was artificial. However, the every growing feeling restlessness. And then there was the come-down. Now that was the worst because it was everything he’d feel before but amplifies. But there was just something about the high that he could not kick.

_“Don’t become dependent on it to make you happy.”_

He knew, that really, he shouldn’t be dependent on anything.

He’d stop tomorrow, find a way to cut down, sort it out. Tomorrow.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comments and criticisms are much appreciated


	3. Axolotl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s been so long since updates, but this chapter is over 3000 words so I’m hoping that makes up for it.
> 
> The title is taken from Axolotl by The Veils - this chapter may have also been titled the twin peaks soundtrack for the roadhouse came out and I'm obsessed and a few of the songs fit great for this fic and also want to cry because dale cooper and every other character in that show deserved more. - 
> 
> It’s not named after the animal, though slightly because it’s most known for its regenerative properties, and this chapter is the start of a change?
> 
> Warnings for the chapter  
> \- Alcohol  
> \- Angry outburst (physical violence is done to oneself)  
> \- Mental health issues e.g nightmares, hallucinations, disassociation  
> \- References to torture  
> \- Drug reference/drug use

Percival hated travelling long distances, hated portkeys. They made him feel ill, which was certainly not helped by the fact he hadn’t slept in almost thirty-six hours, hadn’t eaten in almost twenty-four, and, according to Sera. _Looked_ _like_ _the human embodiment of death._

He was **_just stressed, nothing that needed concern. No Sera, you_ ** **_don’t need to_ ** **_take me off this meeting; I am fine, Yes I_ ** **_would_ ** **_tell you if something was wrong._ **

There was no point in worrying Seraphina by telling her he hadn’t been sleeping, that he had nightmares every time he tried to sleep. That he was still taking narcotics, drank more than he should, was not getting better, only worse. But he would get it under control. Alone. No need to bring anyone else into it.

He preferred to apperate whenever it was possible, even trains and brooms were preferable to him. Portkeys were like a punch to stomach while being whirled around to the point of wanting to vomit.

“Madam President, this way if you please.”

Percival followed Seraphina and a haggard-looking man further on through the empty field to a single boot.

“This is the portkey to London. Well, as close to London as you’ll get. It stops just a little outside of London, and you must apperate the rest of the way.”

“We need to get to the Ministry of Magic,” said Percival. “How would we go about doing that?”

“Well, you can’t apparate into or near to where the Ministry is, so you must go a street or two away and walk.” The old man rummaged around in a large satchel for a moment, pulled out a small map, and handed it to Percival.

“Here ye are. Just apparate to Horse Guards Road,” He gestured to the place on the map. “And walk down then turn off on Great George Street and walk up to Parliament Road. Keep going up till you see a red telephone box that says ‘out of order’, go in and punch in the numbers six, two, four, four two. That clear?”

“Very, thank you.” replied Seraphina.

“All your paperwork should be in order in London for your return Portkey.” continued the old man.

“That portkey will be ready in three minutes, so you’d best hurry and get a hand on it. There will be a place for you to dispose of this on the other end. They’ll explain return times to you there.”

“Thank you,” Percival said, desperate to move the conversation on. He knelt down in front of the portkey and placed a hand on it, Seraphina following suit.

The portkey manager continued chattering on, but Percival had stopped listening. Instead, trying to quell the rising anxiety that was washing over him. He couldn’t help but feel like going away from New York was set to cause a mountain of problems. The President and Director of Magical Security both being away at the same time. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for someone to act. He was already running on less than three hours sleep a night, if Grindelwald escaped, he didn’t know how his body would cope with that.

“All right,” shouted the man. “Five, four, three, two, one!"

Percival screwed his eyes shut at the nauseating experience of being pulled, whirled, thrown, the sickening tightening of his stomach, the throbbing of his head.

They reappeared in another open space. Just trees and a small wooden hut. The raw, beating rain swept into his face, a loud rumble of thunder echoed in the distance.  A witch stood there, waiting for them.

Percival took a few deep breaths and allowed himself to be pulled up to his feet by Seraphina.

The witch smiled at them and beckoned them over to her.

"Welcome to London, Madam President, Auror Graves."

He smiled, and they followed her into the small shack, that had a single desk in it. They made small talk for a moment before she took the paperwork. They waited while she wrote something down on her parchment and stamped their papers.

"Here you are," the woman in front of him said, drawing his attention back to her. “There are papers here which you’ll need for your return, and gives the address of where you must come back to.”

“If you have any problems, ask down at our central office in London. The address is in there too,” she said and pointed to the papers she had just handed to Percival. “Questions?"

“No, that all seems fine.” Percival folded the papers and stashed them in his coat pocket.

“You have an umbrella?” asked the lady.

They both shook their heads.

“Take this one,” She reached behind the desk and handed Percival a black umbrella. “You’ll need it.”

“Thank you very much, Miss.” Percival held out his hand “Ready Sera?”

She took it in response. “Horse Guards Road. Don’t get me splinched.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Percival winked and turned on the spot.

This time, being moved through the air felt much more familiar and a lot less sickening. They ended up on the street they needed, in a small corner, out of sight from passers by.

Percival opened the umbrella and held it over Seraphina and himself.

“After you ma'am,” he said jokingly.

“Hilarious,” Seraphina said and walked in the direction the man at the portkey office in New York had told them to go.

“I don’t think we’ll need the map, the directions seem straightforward.”

“As long as we aren’t late,” Seraphina said. “I thought we’d see Theseus while we’re here. He won’t be part of the meetings but we can go somewhere afterwards. It’ll be nice to catch up.”

“Sure thing.”

“And if anything suggested by the Minister, seems, difficult, to you. I ask that you keep your temper and don’t say something disrespectful.”

Percival rolled his eyes.

“Percy, I mean it.” He looked up to see Seraphina glaring at him with a mixture of annoyance and concern. “I need you to be focused on this.”

“Have I not been focused the last few weeks?”

“No, you haven’t.”

He made a gesture with his free hand as if to say, explain.

“It’s like you have been distracted every time I talk to you. As if you aren't really here.”

He stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue.

“If you need time off Percy, to get some space, clear your head. I’m happy to give it to you. Your job will still be there when you get back.”

“I’ve told you Sera,” He said, gritting his teeth, unable to control the wave of annoyance that flowed over him. “Work helps me, I need to concentrate on things, it has just been stressful these last few days trying to arrange things and draft the new measures that need to be put in place.”

She looked unconvinced but says no more on the matter, staying silent for the rest of their walk.

“We’re here.” She said, gesturing to a red telephone box.

“It’s a bit small for a government headquarters.”

“Shut up, and get in.” Seraphia muttered, pushing him forward. He closed the umbrella and shook it off and followed her.

It was an uncomfortable position, but they both fit. Seraphina punched in the numbers they were told to, and immediately after, the floor shook slightly, and they descended downwards. Flashes of offices and the people working in them could be seen out of the windows. Not after long they came to a stop, and the doors opened out into a large atrium, flooded with people and noise.

There was already a tall, slender, young wizard waiting at the exit of the box.

“Madam President? Mr Graves?” he asked.

“That's us, yes.”

“Arthur Monroe.” He shook hands with both Seraphina and Percival. “If you’ll come with me, we will be going to the top floor for the meeting.”

“What’s your role here?” Percival asked.

“I am lead auror, sir.”

Percival raised his eyebrows and looked the young man up and down. “You’re young for a position like that. You can’t be older than thirty.”

“Twenty-nine sir, the youngest there’s ever been.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“No need for formalities, Percival is fine. I’m afraid you’ll still have to call her Madam,” he said pointing to Seraphina.

“Don’t listen to him, he still thinks he’s funny. Seraphina or Miss Picquary is fine. I’ve always hated the formal terms.”

“Probably why you were in detention so much.”

“Zip it, Percival.”

They entered the lift and slowly assessed to an empty floor with only one door, with the sign ‘ Hector Fawley, Minister for Magic’ on it. A tall, burly wizard stood outside, wand in hand.

After speaking in hushed tones to the man outside the office, Arthur knocked on the door. “The Minister is hopeful of this meeting going well. We hope to straighten some concerns we have and-”

But he had stopped paying attention. _There was something walking across the room. A black mass that looked_ _almost_ _human_ _like_ _in shape. It_ _would_ _have been in Seraphina’s view but she said nothing. Was it real? He needed to get closer_.

“Percival Graves?”

He drew his eyes away from the mass and turned to the man now in front of him. He was an old balding man, short and thin, dressed in all-black dress robes.

“Minister,” he shook hands with the man and followed him into the office. He chanced a look backwards at where he had seen the mass moving, but found there was nothing there. Had he imagined the whole thing? Something from his dreams invading the waking day?

“Please, take a seat.” Arthur gestured to the empty chair opposite himself and the Minister.

He sat next to Seraphina, who had tapped a quill with her wand, ready to take notes.

“Now, what is this current status of Grindelwald?” questioned Arthur.

“He is in a high-security facility in America, where we assure you he is secure,” Percival responded. He noticed that Arthur had a distinct look of disdain on his face that Percival only associated with someone who did not believe what he was hearing.

“Madam President, Grindelwald has not yet tried to attack Britain. It may in the best interests of the people of the wizarding world for him to be moved here.

“I hold the belief that the transfer of Grindelwald may cause his escape. Until we learn the extent of his power and the level of his following, I do not think it is wise to move him.”

“And, how do you know Britain hasn’t been his final plan? Maybe you are just putting him where he wants to be?” said Percival

“Do you know this for certain?” Arthur asked, and there it was again that look.

“From my experience and research, Grindelwald has been one step ahead of all of us.”

“I'm sorry to say Madam President, that I also have my doubts about the security and loyalties of those at the Magical Congress.” admitted Arthur.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” questioned Percival.

“No one quite knows how a wizard of your capabilities was captured by Grindelwald, kept hidden and alive at the end of it all.”

Percival glowered at Arthur, gritted his teeth. “I refuse to answer such a demeaning question.”

“I never questioned you.”

“Yes, you did,” Percival spat. “You are asking if I can be trusted. Despite my being tortured and kept again my will.”

“Well, It is a perfectly reasonable question. In these times you don’t know who to trust.”

Percival opened his mouth to argue back, but Seraphina spoke before he could. “I trust Percival with my life. I would not have let him come with me alone, or reinstated his full position if I did not.”

“It is well documented you have known each other for over twenty years, yet you never realised Grindelwald was impersonating him?”

Percival noticed the wave of regret wash over Seraphina’s face. “I believe we have gotten quite off the topic in hand. Instead of insulting the President’s character and my own, can we get back to what brought us here.”

“It fits into why we think Grindelwald should be moved to us. We have facilities that will be more secure.” Hector maintained.

“We truly believe that Azkaban will be the best place to hold Grindelwald.” said Arthur.

“You really don’t get it do you?” laughed Percival. “Nowhere will be able to hold him. He will escape as long as he has supporters and goals to be achieved. Until you remove the chance of his aim coming true, he won’t be held down.”

“Then what do you suggest?”

“Personally, I don’t know why we can just kill him and be done with it.” retorted Percival.

“Mr Graves. We are not b-barbarians.” stammered Hector.

“Grindelwald has killed hundreds, destroyed the lives of thousands, wants to harm millions. What is one person compared to all of that?”

“For the greater good, Mr Graves?” sneered Arthur.

Percival was reaching into his pocket for his wand before he even had time to process his actions.

“Percival.” snapped Seraphina, her voice drew Percival back into the present moment. He withdrew his hand from his pocket. “You are letting your emotions and personal feelings get the better of you.”

“He accused me of being one of his fanatics and you are expecting me to keep personal feelings out of this?” Percival seethed.

“Mr Graves, I suggest you sit you down-”

“I’m sorry Sera, but you will be continuing this meeting alone.” He pushed past the guard outside the door, not looking back as Seraphina called after him.

He didn’t quite realise what he had done until he was in the lift descending back to the ground floor when he noticed the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.

He immediately spun around, pulled his wand out and pointed it at the man behind him.

“Shite, Percy, sorry.”

“God damn it, Theseus.” He said and lowered his wand.

“Are you alright? Aren’t you meant to be in meeting with the Minister?”

“Meant to be,” muttered Percival. The lift came to a stop and Percival exited, Theseus hurrying after him.

“Percy, what happened?”

“Nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

“You’ve lost weight.” Theseus paused. “You look awful.”

“Very nice of you to say Theseus, thank you.”

“I mean you don’t seem healthy. When’s the last time you ate? Or slept?”

Percival felt a pang of guilt at the concern heavy in the other man's voice.  “It’s fine, Thee. I’ve got it under control.”

“I wrote to you. You never replied.”

“I’ve been busy.” _When had Theseus done that? He_ distinctly remembered _reading something from Theseus, maybe?_ _But that had been a dream, hadn’t it?_ He had dreamt that. He was sure. Or maybe he was wrong. When had he started _getting_ _dreams and reality confused?_

“For three months?”

Percival came to a halt outside the entrance to the atrium. “I forgot.”

Theseus glared at him. “I can tell something is wrong. If you need help-”

“What I need, is to get back to New York.”

“Really? Is that it?”

“I don’t know what you want from me Theseus. I’ve told you. Everything is fine, and that is the truth.”

“You may be able to convince everyone else that is true, but I have known you for too long Percy. Don’t shut me out like this.”

“Like you’re one to talk.” Percival spat, unable to keep his anger under control.

“Which is why I am trying to stop you from making the same mistake I did.” Theseus barked.

“Well, that won’t be possible because nothing’s wrong.”

“Percival Graves, I swear to-”

“Goodbye, Theseus.”

 

**X     X     X**

 

The woman at the portkey office was not happy about having to arrange an earlier time for Percival to leave. She glowered at him as she handed him the paperwork, a small hole where she had dotted the ‘I’ a little too hard.

“Thank you,” Percival said again, she merely nodded.

“Your portkey leaves in five minutes, you best hurry.”

He gave her a smile which she did not return, and vacated the small office, to the grounds where his portkey lay waiting.

There were only a few other people there, surrounding the portkey. He slotted himself in with them, kneeling down, and placing a hand on it.

Once they departed, the feeling of nausea and discomfort felt the same, if not worse. This time, less like a whirling and tightening but more like several punches to the stomach. However, this may have resulted from Percival’s bubbling anger, lack of sleep, and food.

He apparated immediately to his apartment when he returned to New York. Poured himself a glass of firewhiskey, and pulled out a vial containing a small amount of cocaine. Before he could stop and think about what he was doing, he already measured out a line on the counter and had taken the drug. He downed the glass of whiskey in one go and rummaged around the pile of papers on the floor.

There it was, three letters from Theseus, sent over the last six months. All of them opened read at some point. However, Percival could not remember ever reading these letters. He crumpled them up and threw them into the fireplace, lighting it with a flick of his wand.

He needed to cool off. Calm down and think. He went into the bathroom and splashed his face with some cold water.

As he walked back to the living room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the bedroom mirror. Theseus was right. He didn’t look well. Eyes were hollow and bloodshot, he looked paler than usual, thin, sickly. Almost has he done when he was removed from Grindelwald’s captivity.

A memory, of Grindelwald standing over him, wearing his face. _Screaming the words_ crucio _, Percival refusing to tell him anything, but he was broken and in pain. He could not say anything, he would not say anything. But, that was his face, he had lost. No one would know. His face._

And, Percival. He could not control it anymore. He pulled the mirror to the ground with a crash, the sound reverberating throughout the apartment, He lost any sense of pain, of stopping, of rationality, smashing and throwing anything in his sight because _he was angry._

That he let himself be broken down like this that people allowed him to be broken down like this. That a person could even begin to entertain the idea that he was working with Grindelwald. That they did not see just how much destruction he had caused to his life. What he had done him. _What he did to Credence._

Later, much later, or even maybe only a few moments. Time was not something he could keep track of anymore, Percival slumped into the armchair opposite the fireplace, unaware of just how much he had let go, how much he had acted out, not aware his hands were bleeding and bruised. He picked up the bottle of firewhiskey left by the chair and drank, till he was asleep.

* * *

  _Percival has the sense that something is watching him, coming towards him, a grey smoke, floating._ _An outline of a person through the mass._

He finds very _suddenly_ _that he cannot move, glued in position. Everything in his body is telling him to reach out and touch whatever_ _it is_ _coming towards him. A longing, craving feeling rising_ _up_ _from his_ _very_ _core._

 _It’s next to him now, the grey._ _A hand reaches out from the smoke, almost translucent._ _It caresses his face and it feels_   _like_ _the most comforting thing he had felt in months._

_**X     X     X** _

His eyes shot open, and he looked around for any evidence of someone or that something had been in his home. The fire had long since died out, and there was nothing there. No trace of what Percival saw. _Or dreamt._

But it had felt so real. He could still feel the touch of fingers on his skin. Something so distinctly familiar about it.

That night, Percival’s dreams were plagued by a face of a young man he loved, slipping through his fingers every time he tried to get close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End notes - Hopefully another chapter by the end of the month + ik on pottermore it says that Hector Fawley did not take Grindelwald’s threats seriously and that’s why he lost power in office, but we are gonna ignore that here and say he was trying to do something but ultimately, is unsuccessful in his plans
> 
> as always my lovely people, comments and criticisms are much appreciated.


	4. A Violent Yet Flammable World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i know it has been a while since i last updated but i'm uploading two chapters so? better yes?)
> 
> If I didn't already use italics way too much, this chapter takes it to a new level. Also break lines and X’s to indicate scene change, lots of that in here.
> 
> I do have some reasoning though. The italics are a good way for Credence’s internal thought process to come out, especially now he is alone and cannot speak.
> 
> I am hoping the breaks through the use of lines and x’s help to give a broken, and disconnected structure, isolated viewpoint, which is representing Credence’s current state.
> 
> I dont think there are any warnings here but mentions of death is the only one really. 
> 
> as always, this is unbetad so please bare with the mistakes thank ye 
> 
> \+ chapter title is a violent yet flammable world by au revoir simone

_He is a shadow_ , Credence thought. _Or a ghost._

He does not know if he is alive or dead. If he did die, he does not know how long it has been. Days, weeks, months. _It could have been years._

Either way, he is there.

No one could see him or hear him. Credence could wander freely and do as he pleased.

Yes, he was alone, but wasn't he always?  


**X** **X**           **X**

     
He wandered around the side streets and back alleys he used to frequent. The darkness and isolation give him comfort, the memories make him feel guilty, angry and used.

Credence Barebone does not know how he feels about Percival Graves. _How can you both love and hate someone in equal measure of passion?_

He spotted Tina one day, called out to her, but she did not hear him. _None of them do._

And then.

Later.

He saw Percival Graves.

* * *

There was a woman with him. Blonde.

_He was still around, after all the destruction he had caused._

After he had defied Tina, lied to him.

He followed the pair, listening to their conversation intently.

"Listen, Goldstein."

_Goldstein?_

_Was this the sister Tina had mentioned to him? Why would she be near such an evil man? Deceitful, cruel._

"I don't have time for this. I have a job to do."

"I am sorry Sir,  but it is very obvious to me that something is wrong, and it is starting to worry me."

"Stay out of my head Queenie," growled Percival.

_Why would she be worried about him? What had he done to deserve their thoughts?_

“I’m sure there are other people with much more interesting things going on inside their heads. Abernathy's been acting strange lately, why don’t you go snoop around in his thoughts..”

"Don't try and talk your way around his Percival Graves," Queenie said sternly. "Sometimes your thoughts are so loud I can't block them out, and the things I hear are concerning, and yes I will have to tell someone about my concerns."

Credence couldn't understand, he didn't understand. _What had happened? What was he missing?_

"I am dealing with it, Queenie. You needn't worry yourself or anyone else. And most of all, stay out of my head."

"You are a brilliant wizard Sir, but you are a terrible liar."

Mr Graves sighed. "We really should be getting back to work." And then disappeared from the spot where he stood.

Queenie let out a growl of frustration and followed suit, leaving Credence alone once again.

* * *

 Credence decided to go to Percival’s' apartment a while later. It was dark now, the sun had set hours ago.

Percival was asleep in his bed. Though that wouldn't be entirely correct.

He was clearly having a nightmare. His face contorted into a grimace, a gleam of sweat over his forehead, hands clenched into fists. His breathing fast, and hard.

Credence stood still, not knowing what he could do. A part of him wanted to wake the man so obviously in distress, another part hated the person lying there and did not care what happened to him.

Percival woke with a start. Sitting up with such a force, he was surprised he did not injure himself.

Credence stood glued to his spot as he fumbled around in a bedside drawer pulling out the-

_The coin?_

He watched Percival Graves rise from his bed, go to the open window,  press the coin to his lips, then threw the coin into the darkness.

As Graves clambered back into bed, Credence dropped to his knees.

* * *

 He had been following Percival for around two weeks. To his work, his home saw the people he met, spoke to, did more than _speak to._ He had watched the drugs become more frequent, the alcohol, the lack of sleep. Watched him thrash, and mumble through his nightmares. He almost felt sorry for the man. _Almost. Almost._

 

 **X** **X**           **X**

 

Percival had left, to London, that’s what she said. _Sera_.

They had to go London, for some reasons Credence could not understand.

He had gone to where the church used to stand and by the time he returned to Percival’s home, he’d left.

As he lay on the bed his mind whirled, everything he had heard, seen, trying to connect the dots. To make some sort of sense of everything.

_London, Theseus, Ministry, Grindelwald, Seraphina didn’t notice._

Credence couldn't understand any of it. Nothing made sense, and he could not figure out just what he was missing.

_What had happened to Percival to allow him to escape without any reprimands?_

_Maybe he lied. Maybe, he told them all something different. It’s not like Credence would be there to defend himself. Maybe. They all thought Credence was something else. A monster, freak, a demon sent from hell. Percival was a hero, saved them all. What would another lie be to him?_

A distant memory stirred in his brain. Here in this apartment, in this bed.

 _Theseus_.

_Percival had mentioned him. Hadn’t he?_

It seemed so long ago, hazy and unclear. Something that Credence could not have lived. He was never that happy. _Was he?_

_Warmth and comfort. In bed, wrapped in his arms. Stability. Love. Affection, desire, want, worth, giving._

* * *

“How did you know?”

“Know what?”

Credence shifted in Percival’s arms. “That this was okay, that it wasn’t wrong.”

“You mean loving other men?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe it is as frowned upon in Wizarding circles. Yes, it is seen as uncommon and most try to avoid it if possible. But, it has never been illegal.”

“So, your mother and father didn’t mind?”

“Oh no, they hated it. As did my brother. My father the most. He always thought I’d grow out of it. Had my wife picked out for me by the time I was fifteen. Died before he could really do anything about it though.”

“I’m sorry.”

Percival pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Don’t be. It was a long time ago.”

“Are your mother and brother still alive?”

“Mother died the same time father did, attacked coming back from a dinner. Wrong place at the wrong time. Lancelot, my brother, he’s alive, lives in London. Works at the Ministry. That’s the Wizarding government in England, we have the Magical Congress here.”

“But, If they didn’t accept it, who told you it was okay?” Credence asked.

“That would be my friend Theseus,” Percival replied. “He lives in London too. I met him when I spent a year in the British wizarding school, Hogwarts.” 

“They have schools for magic?”

“Oh yes, they have them everywhere. Probably one in each country.”

“Do you have to go them?”

Percival was running his fingers through Credence’s hair absentmindedly. “Hmm, well I’ve never heard of anyone homeschooling their child in magic. It would be extremely difficult. And, if a child suppresses their magic, well that’ll only end in disaster.”

Credence tenses. “What do you mean?”

“If a child represses their abilities, it eats away at them for the inside. They’ll have violent outbursts in which extreme damage can be caused, and will end up, almost poisoned by their own magic. They tend not to live past ten."

Percival must have noticed the change in Credence’s body language because he shifted to face him and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Are you alright?”

“Tired, nervous.”

“She won’t remember you were gone.”

“I know it’s just-”

“I’m sorry you have to stay there. I truly am, Credence, but I can’t risk taking you away, especially given the events with your mother in the past, and the fact I could be found out and killed.”

“I don’t think I’m worth all of this trouble.”

Percival pulled him closure. “You aren’t trouble, and you are worth it even if there was. I just need to come up with a plan that will make sure we are both safe. It won’t be long now, I promise. I am not going to leave you there.”

* * *

A loud crashing pulled Credence out of his memory.

Smashed glass, broken furniture, a mess of anger and despair. He could almost feel it radiating off the man in the chair. Facing the fire, a bottle of, something, in his hand. Both of them bruised and bloody.

And all he wanted to do, all he could think of doing. Was reaching out and touching him.

He did not expect the sudden sob that escaped the man.

Retreating into the corner of the room, by the fire, Credence watched Percival. Breaking down in front him, alone, and. Afraid.  He almost felt sorry for him.  _Almost. Almost._

When he had finally drifted into sleep, Credence could not help himself.

He drifted forwards and came to stop in front of Percival. He seemed peaceful for once. No sheen of sweat on his forehead, no muttering and thrashing.

Credence stretched out a hand and softly, carefully, caressed his face.

He did not expect Percival to wake suddenly, almost jumping out of his chair. His hand fell back to his side immediately and he retreated back into the corner of the room.

Percival touched his cheek, where Credence’s fingers had been only a moment ago.

“Hello?”

It took Credence all his power not to call back. To reply, to answer the man he hated. Loved, admired, despised. _Did not understand._

He watched as Percival looked around the room, searching for something.

_How had he felt his touch? No one could feel him or hear him. Was it a coincidence?_

“Credence?”

_He sounded so broken, so afraid. Why was he afraid? Why did he sound like that? Regretful, sad, remorseful._

Percival rubbed his temple, and let out a loud groan. “Fuck, I am really losing it now.”

Credence could not help but follow Percival into the bedroom, could not help but lie down next to him when the man had fallen asleep. Stay there, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. As he had done, before, weeks ago, months ago, he did not know. _He did not understand._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and criticisms are always appreciated kidos


	5. Timshel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legit all the counsellor/healer/therapist stuff was totally ripped from penny dreadful - 70% of it is from the show
> 
> chapter title from - timshel by mumford and sons

“I don’t know what happened Theseus! He told Monroe to go fuck himself and stormed off. Apparently took a portkey back to New York.”

“And you haven’t noticed him acting differently lately.”

“Of course he’s been acting differently.” Seraphina huffed. “He was tortured and taken prisoner, and none of us noticed that goddamn Grindelwald was wearing his face.”

“You need to stay calm Sera,” Theseus gestured to a chair opposite his desk. “Tell me everything you’ve picked up on.”

Seraphina slumped into the chair and rubbed her eyes. “I don’t think he’s been sleeping, he always looks exhausted, and I never see him eat anymore. I suppose I didn’t realise just how unhealthy he looked because I see him almost every day.”

“It isn’t your fault Sera. Percy has always tried to deal with things alone. If he’s ill or something is bothering him, it’d be like him not to say anything.”

“Thank you for trying to make me feel less guilty, but it really is not working.”

“Is there anything else?”

“Yes, little things, but nothing that would cause me great concern.”

“You did damage control with Arthur and the minister?”

“Yes, I put down to illness and stress. They were, sympathetic I suppose. But, It just has given them more of a reason to request Grindelwald’s transfer..”

“They should feel sympathetic. What Arthur was playing at going on the offensive like that to Percy I’ll never understand.”

“I don’t trust Percival alone in this state,” Seraphina admitted.

“Neither do I.” Theseus agreed.

“I have to stay in London, Thee.”

“I know, I’ll get the next portkey out.”

“Hopefully It’ll go better than the last time a Scamander was in New York.”

Theseus chuckled. “He still feels bad about that.”

“How is he doing?” asked Seraphina.

“In Borneo chasing down some Acoromuntala, or something.”

“What in Merlin’s name is that?”

“From what I understood, a bloody big spider.” 

* * *

 

“Percival Tristan Graves, if you do not open this door right now I will blast it open.” a shout from the corridor arose him from sleep.

“You have till the count of five, Percy.”

Percival glanced at the clock on the wall. Nine in morning. He was late for work and someone was trying to break his door down.

“Five.”

Theseus?

“By the Gods, I’m coming.” barked Percival.

He yanked open the door to see Theseus Scamander.

“What on earth are you playing at?” He pushed past Percival into his front room. “Insulting the two most important people at the Ministry of Magic, then pissing of Sera, and having the nerve to snap at me.”

Percival followed him into the kitchen, only half listening to Theseus’ angry tirade.

Why was he here? Had Seraphina said something? Of course, she would have. He was barely coping with people at work asking him questions every day. Theseus, well he would not stop until he was satisfied with the answer.

Percival did know that Theseus meant well, but he could do this alone.

“Percy!”

“What?” he replied, only just realising the other man had been calling his name.

“Do you want tea?”

“Are you done shouting at me?”

Theseus gave him a look that made Percival wish he hadn’t said anything but, ‘yes please’.

“You are really testing my patience, Percy.”

“I didn’t ask you to come!”

“You forced my hand.” retorted Theseus.

“I’m dealing with it.”

Theseus held up a half-empty vial containing a white powder.

“Where did you find that?”

“You left it on the kitchen counter, next to the three empty bottles of firewhiskey.”

Percival dropped his head into hands, desperately trying to think of how he could fix this. “I’m trying to sort it out.”

“It really doesn’t seem that way.”

He looked up at Theseus, and the look of worry on his face made Percival squirm. To his relief the whistling of the kettle made Theseus turn away quickly after.

“Sit down, I’ll make tea, and we will have a calm, rational talk.”

He nodded, not wanting to argue anymore. It was too goddamn early for any for this shit.

Percival sat in silence in the armchair, nodding a thank you to Theseus when he came with the tea.

“You are going to run me through it all, Percy. The whole story, from the beginning, all the context. You are going to keep talking until I say you can stop.”

He tugged at his shirt collar, and let out a long breath. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Sometimes it isn’t about what you want. I need to know everything, so I can best help you.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

“My, friend, Tina-”

“Tina Goldstein?” interrupted Theseus. “My brother’s mentioned her a few times.” he continued upon the questioning Percival gave him.

“Yes, she said they had met.”

“Newt seems quite enamoured with her.” Theseus grinned.

Percival couldn’t help but smile. “Tina does tend to blush every time she talks about him.”

“I interrupted you, carry on.”

“Tina met a young man, Credence, who lived with a group a Christian fanatics. They were convinced wizards existed and were trying to induce another Salem witch hunt. At the time, she thought Credence was a no-maj. Muggle. So, couldn’t do anything when she found out his mother was beating him. She tried to protect him, I think she saw him as a brother, and one day couldn’t take any more of it and attacked the mother. She was immediately demoted and she asked me to look out for him. Check if he was okay.”

Theseus seemed to have no questions, so Percival carried on. “I did as she asked, but could never tell her that I did because I was afraid someone would find out I was in contact with a no-maj and I’d be thrown in a cell somewhere, and lose everything I’ve worked for.”

“So you looked after him, Credence?” asked Theseus.

“Yes, and it, developed into something more than that.” he massaged the back of his neck, fighting down the lump rising in his throat. “I did everything I could to help him, besides taking him away from that place. I, fucking Merlin, he was everything to me Thee.”

Theseus did not look up at Percival but was focused on twisting the ring on his finger. “What happened?”

“Credence, was an Obscrurial.”

Theseus cleared his throat and shoved his hair back away from his face. “How old was he?”

“Twenty-two. I know, it’s meant to be impossible for them to live past eleven, but it was true. Credence was miraculous in more than one way. When he lost control in front of me, I went back here to try and contact Tina, but Grindelwald was already waiting for me. When he had me, he asked me about Credence, I think he had seen him in some vision, related to an Obscurus, but I managed to convince him that Credence was a squib.”

“What happened to him?”

“He lost control in a place full of Aurors, and Sera gave the order to take down the Obscurus. I don’t blame her, she didn’t know, she was just trying to protect the city.”

“I’m so sorry Percy.”

“Yeah, well.” Percival did not, could not finish his sentence.

“How did the narcotics start?”

“I had nightmares pretty much every time I slept. I couldn’t deal with the guilt so someone offered it to me to try and it helped, for a while. Then I noticed I’d see things in the day, waking dreams I suppose. So I drank more to try and forget the fact I was going insane. And it just kept spiralling to this.”

“You feel guilty?”

“Of course I feel guilty.” Percival snapped. “I should have protected him and I couldn’t. I promised him that I’d keep him safe, that I’d help him, and it is my fault.”

“It isn’t your fault.” implored Theseus. “There was nothing you could have done.”

“I could have fought harder, I could have escaped, I could have told Tina.”

“Percy-”

“He believed me, he believed that I’d make things better.” And Percival could not help the crack in his voice, the welling of tears stinging his eyes, could not pretend he was okay anymore.

“Do you know what kills me more than anything? That he didn’t know, that he will never know, it wasn’t me. He’ll never know much I loved him, that I wanted to keep him safe, that all I wanted to do was leave this fucking place with him. That I would never lay a finger on him. He won’t know these things, Theseus. He died feeling alone and afraid, thinking someone he had trusted betrayed him, hurt him, used him.”

Percival couldn’t breathe.

“The nightmares, the guilt, the physical pain. Those are nothing compared to the fact he won’t know this.” He stared determinedly at the floor trying to level his breathing. Don’t do this, don’t break again, not now. Stay calm, stay calm.

When he finally looked up, he saw that Theseus was back to fiddling with the ring on his finger.

“When Dorian-”

“Percival, please don’t.”

“You’ve asked your questions, haven't you? I get to ask mine,” argued Percival. “When Dorian died, did it feel like this? How did you cope?”

He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “I didn’t cope, Percival. I pushed everyone away, You, Sera, even Newt. I convinced myself I could overcome anything alone, and I suppose a part of me thought he’d come back. I can’t begin to describe how it properly, but it was like my world had ended. I never thought I’d be happy again. Everything smelled like him, I kept thinking back to our last conversation. I would always picture him and his voice because I was so scared I would forget.”

He opened his eyes and sat up, looking Percival in the eyes. “I only got out of that because I got help, I stopped doing things alone.”

“Tell me it gets better.”

Theseus slouched back into the chair. “It doesn’t get better, Percy. It just becomes more manageable.”

“How angry is Sera?”

“Give her some flowers and a box of chocolates then she’ll forgive you.”

“Do you remember, when we stayed at Hogwarts for our sixth year. And you snuck us out of the Slytherin dorms and took us up the Astronomy tower with three bottles of firewhiskey.”

Theseus grinned. “Sera tried to teach us the constellations but could barely form a coherent sentence. We probably shouldn’t have just let her go back alone.”

“You kissed me that night.”

“You were looking very kissable.”

“You opened a whole new world for me Theseus. I never really thanked you for that. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have listened to my family and would probably be married to some woman I didn’t care for.“

“You’re the one who made the choice not to listen, it wasn’t down to me.”

“I’d never have accepted myself if you hadn’t told me there was nothing wrong with what I was feeling,” said Percival.

“I’d never have met Dorian if it wasn’t for you.”

“You said you got better with help, but you didn’t approach me or Sera.”

Theseus placed his empty teacup on the table. “I spent about five months here in New York, seeing a rather unconventional healer, I believe she still works here, and I think it would be good for you to see her.”

“How do you mean ‘unconventional’?” inquired Percival.

“A mental healer. Practises alienism. I was sceptical, but I am proof it works. Here I sit, changed. I thought I would never feel happiness again after I lost Dorian. I was completely and utterly lost. I only began to get better entirely because of her assistance. I beg you to see her.”

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt.” considered Percival.

Theseus gave him an encouraging smile. “I’ll send an owl and make you an appointment.”

“When are you going back?”

“Already trying to get rid of me?” joked Theseus.

“No, I just want to know-”

“I’m here for two weeks Percival. And I’ve already confirmed with Sera that you’ll be taking two weeks leave.”

Before he could open his mouth to object Theseus carried on. “You will not argue about this. You need to take time off and I will be here for those two weeks to make sure that you are taking steps to get better. Starting with getting rid of any narcotics and alcohol.”

“I don’t need a carer,” mumbled Percival.

“I’m not saying you do Percy, but I think someone needs to be with you right now to make sure you don’t anything idiotic.”

“You’ll be staying here?”

“I can rent a room.”

Percival gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “Don’t be stupid, I’ve got a spare room.”

“You will go, to the healer?” asked Theseus.

“I can’t promise I’ll keep up with it, but I will try.”

* * *

 

Only two days after Theseus arrived, he had already secured an appointment for Percival.

He pulled his scarf tighter around him, the biting chill of April showing no sign of easing.

The healer's office was not far from Percival’s home, and it took him less than time than he anticipated to walk there, having followed Theseus’ instructions. He didn’t particularly want to go but did say he would at least try, and he knew he couldn’t carry on this way, he needed to make some sort of change.

“Good morning,” Percival said.

The secretary smiled at him. “May I help you?”

“I'm here to see Dr Ives.”

“You have an appointment?”

“Yes. My name is Percival Graves.”

He scanned down a sheet of paper in front of him and nodded. “Yes, lovely. Please sit down, I’ll won’t be a moment.” The young man rose from his seat and entered into another room, leaving Percival alone.

He did not sit down, but stood and listened to the ticking of the clock. Which was so loud. Was he nervous? Why was it so loud?

“Mr Graves?” The man stuck his head around the door. “Just through here..”

Percival went round to where the secretary stood and entered into what looked like an office. A woman sat behind a desk and one end of the room, an empty seat opposite her.

“Take a seat, Mr Graves,” she called.

Percival did not move.

“I said, sit down, Mr Graves.” The secretary had left, the door behind him closed. Too late to back out now. Percival did as she requested and sat in the empty seat.

“My name is Dr Ives. I am sure you are not familiar with alienism, so I'll tell you how it works,” she said. “I insist on one-hour sessions three times a week, no exceptions. What we discuss will be strictly confidential. I will talk about them, and I insist you do not either.”

Percival nodded, and Dr Ives continued. “As we are a new branch of healing, there is no set scale for the cost. I charge fifty dragots a session. Do you understand me, Mr Graves?”

“Please call me Percival.”

“I am not your friend, Mr Graves. We shall stay on formal terms. I am your healer and you will come to me to get better because you are ill. No other reasons, do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“You are ill, Mr Graves,” stated Dr Ives. “Not bad, not unworthy, just ill.”

Percival didn’t know what else to do but nod.

“Do you have enough money to cover these sessions?” asked Dr Ives.

“I have money,” said Percival. “A small family inheritance.”

“Small or large?” she inquired.

“Large, I suppose,” mumbled Percival.

“Why did you say small then?”

“I don't know. Politeness?”

“Is it impolite to have large amounts of money?”

“I don't know!” snapped Percival.

“I do not care about politeness, Mr Graves. There are no manners in our sessions. If you want to scream like an animal, then feel free. If you want to cry or yell, do it. There are no emotions unwelcome in this room, and if this process does not appeal to you, then you should leave now.” She gestured to the door with her thumb.

“I have no objections.” murmured Percival.

“What was that? You will need to make yourself heard if you want these sessions to work.”

“I have no objections.” he gritted out.

“Come tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.”

“We'll begin our sessions then?” asked Percival.

“We already have.”

“But, you don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

“I already know what's wrong with you,” she said simply. “You’re unhappy, isolated. You believe you are the cause of this and blame yourself for things that have gone wrong. You carry an enormous amount of guilt with you. Something or someone important to you has been lost. Your lover, family, friends, maybe all three. You blame yourself for this as well, so it’s made you neurotic. You have stopped sleeping because the nightmares are too much for you, and you turn to narcotics and alcohol to feel something.”

“How did you-” Percival began.

“You scratch your hands like there is something under your skin, it is a common trait. I can tell you’ve also stopped eating, and for some reason, you don’t like to look in mirrors, hence your dishevelled appearance.” she paused, looking Percival up and down. “Would you like me to carry on?”

Percival shook his head, stunned at what had just been said to him. “I'll come tomorrow.”

“First, you've something to do. I want you to go out and experience something you've never done before or haven’t in a long time. Right now, today. It doesn't matter what it is. Eat something new. Go somewhere different. Have lunch with an old friend, you will do something and tell me about it tomorrow.”

“Yes.”

She nodded and gave him something almost close to an encouraging smile. “Pay my secretary on the way out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 7/12/17 
> 
> This is not abandoned! I have a 7000+ word chapter coming your way tomorrow.   
> Thank you for being patient <3


	6. Blue Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the huge gap between this chapter and the last one. I meant to write about four chapters and get them out in one go but life decided to throw a fucking brick in my face, and I just haven’t been in the mood to write anything. 
> 
> I know this moves quickly along from plot to plot, but i’m not really into long overzealous descriptions of every other object and emotion. I think this furthers things well, and shows how the character is feeling. 
> 
> This chapter is also long AS FUCK. I thought about splitting it up but couldn’t really find a good break point to, so it’s just a long ass block sorry.
> 
> Chapter title after the song Blue Moon, my fave version is the Dean Martin one, but chromatics did a cover which fits beautifully in terms of style 
> 
> I personally see Theseus as a lot older than the film has cast him. Percival is about 38 in this fic so i see Theseus as looking more like rory kinnear/damian lewis/matthew goode
> 
> This is long and unbetad so there are going to be lots of mistakes. I will edit as the week goes on and when I notice the errors. This is v bad writing i know. There will be a lot of repeated words and phrases but you'll have to deal and i'll fix them later this week. ENJOY
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- not many for this chapter, just one for violence near the end - it'll be pretty evident when it is about to start at it is only a couple lines, ends with "are you with me?"  
> \- swearing  
> \- mentions of poor mental health but the comments are implied or very glossed over

“I think I’m seeing things again.”

“Have you told Dr Ives?” asked Theseus.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not crazy.”

“I never said you were, Percy.”

“I think it’s real this time,”

Theseus watched his friend carefully. _No sign of shaking, tiredness. Eyes normal. Skin looked healthy, no yellowing. Weight normal._ “Explain a little more to me.”

“It’s this figure. At first, it was, it was like it wasn’t even there. Smoke, like smoke following me. It’s been becoming clearer the last few weeks, more opaque. It moves more.”

“Is it here now?”

Percival shook his head. “It left when you came inside. It was like it was sneaking past you. As if it didn’t want to be seen.”

“How often do you see, it?”

“I’ve been seeing it less, over the last week or two. But when I do see whatever the fuck it is. It’s always much clearer.”

“You’re taking the potions they gave you?” asked Theseus.

“Yes.”

“Nothing else?”

“Nothing.”

“Sleep?”

“I’m not seeing things.” snapped Percival. “It’s real. It touched me, I felt it.”

“Ghosts are rare, Percy.”

“I know.”

“Who would it even be? Has someone you know died in the last two weeks?”

“Not to my knowledge, no.”

“Have you considered-”-

“It’s real.” implored Percival. “I know you don’t believe me, and given my track record with these things, I understand why, but I’m telling you. It’s real.”

* * *

 He’d become visible. Percival was seeing him. More and more and more. He called out to him. Asked what he was, who he was, what he was doing there.

Credence had run every time.

His friend, Theseus. He hadn’t seen him, Credence had made sure. But Percival. His eyes followed him the whole time.

Credence didn’t know where he was. He had just run because he can see his hands. More and more clarity of body, the smoke that shielded him was dropping, the haze in his head lifting, memories, feelings, clearer and clearer.

Anger, confusion, so much anger.

He needed to go back, to Percival. He needed answers, he’d get them one way, even if he had to scream until he was heard.

* * *

 The door crashed open causing both men to jump up from their seats and draw their wands.

Percival stared at the door, frozen.

“Percival, what is that?”

Silence.

“Percival, what the fuck is it?”

_It looked familiar, so familiar. It couldn’t be._

The door slammed shut, and the figure, transforming, shifting, moved forward till it was in the centre of the room.

Then, it started to scream.

* * *

All he could feel was pain. Excruciating pain. Like the hundreds of lights hitting him all over again. As if he was being lifted and thrown to the floor, over and over and over.

Credence gasped. Panting, ran his hands over his arms, chest. He was whole. Alive. Breathing. _Alive._

* * *

 Percival stood frozen to the spot, only able to stare at the naked figure shaking on his floor. Curled into a ball, breathing hard and fast, eyes screwed shut. Credence, his Credence. Alive, whole.

 _It has to be a trick._ Percival could feel the sharp sting of tears welling in his eyes.

“Percy,” It took all his effort to look away from Credence and to Theseus. “Who is that?”

He said nothing.

“Is it-”

“Yes,” whispered Percival. “There are some clothes in the bottom of my drawers, get them for me.”

Theseus waited a moment, carefully assessing the situation, but nodded at him and vacated the room.

Percival grabbed a blanket off the chair and walked over to Credence, crouched down beside him, and draped it over his body. His hand shot out immediately, grabbing Percival’s arm.  Credence shifted his position and looked up. Eyes wide open and held Percival’s gaze. Fingers still digging into his skin.

“Why are you here?” Credence breathed, barely audible.

“We’re in my apartment.”

Credence dropped Percival’s arm, pulled the blanket over himself, and sat up. “You shouldn't be here. You’re a liar, you hurt people..”

“That wasn’t me.”

“Don’t lie to me again.” Credence’s voice broke. “Why do you keep lying?”

“I’m not lying, please I’m telling you, that person, who hurt you. Who looked like me, who made you feel angry, wasn’t me.”

“Stop lying!” screeched Credence, his breaths panicked and heavy.

Theseus had come back into the room upon hearing Credence’s shout, the clothes Percival had requested thrown onto the armchair, his wand out.

“Put the wand away Thee, he isn’t dangerous. He’s just confused.”

Theseus still held out the wand, halting in front of Credence. He turned to Percival. Before he could so much as blink, Credence had shot up and snatched the wand from him, now pointing it at Percival.

“Tell me the truth.” Tears were brimming in his eyes, and he held an expression of such rage and pain, Percival couldn’t bear it.

“Credence, please.” Percival lowered his voice to a soothing tone. “That wand can be very dangerous if used incorrectly. Please, just put it down and I will tell you everything.”

“You tell me now.”

“There was a man, an evil man. Who needed you for his plans. He had visions and thought he would need someone you knew. He found out about us, he followed me, attacked me, hid me away, and pretended to be me. The man who hurt you Credence, he wasn’t me. He just looked the same.”

“It’s true,” Theseus added.

“You hit me. You told me I was worthless, that I was nothing to you.”

“It wasn’t me.” pleaded Percival. “I can prove it to you. Tina, you remember Tina? I can get her and she’ll tell you the same thing.”

“You,” Credence gestured toward Theseus. “You go.”

“I’ll be fine Theseus, just go get her. She took the day off, so she’ll be at her apartment, we had dinner there, you should remember it.”

Theseus nodded. “You’ll be okay?”

“Yes.”

“I need my wand,” Theseus said to Credence.

Credence hesitated for a moment but handed the wand over.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Percy,” Theseus said, turned on the spot, and vanished.

Percival focused back on Credence who stood in the same spot, eyes still on him. “Why don’t you get changed,” he suggested. “I have clothes for you.”

Credence moved to grab the clothes off the chair. He studied them for a moment. “These are mine.”

Percival nodded. “Do you remember the last night you came here? It was raining so heavily, and you were soaked through, and you had tears in your clothes, because of that awful women. I repaired them but I wanted to give you something new, so I shrunk down some of my clothes, and you wore them, and took them away. You left these here, and after they found me, and told me you had died, I didn’t have the heart to throw them away.”

“You threw away your coin.”

It was as if Percival could feel his heart breaking. “You saw.”

Credence nodded, fastening the button in his trousers.

“You have no idea how much it hurt me to that.”

“Why did you get rid of it?”

“Because I was hurting. Everything reminded me of you, and that coin was a constant reminder. I thought if I got rid of it, I’d be able to move on. Obviously, it didn’t work, so when I found your clothes, I kept them.”

“You wanted to forget me?”

“No, never. I thought you were dead, I didn’t want to be in pain.”

“It wasn’t you?”

“It wasn’t me.”

Credence did up the last button on his shirt and sat down. “I want to believe you.”

Percival knelt beside the armchair, placing a hand on Credence’s knee. “I would never hurt you.”

Credence looked down at him, into his eyes, as if he were trying to read Percival’s mind. “When you were acting differently. It was like your eyes had changed. They weren’t the way I remembered. They look the way I remember now.”

“How do they look?”

“Like you would never hurt me.”

“I-” Percival's reply was interrupted by a rapping on the door. He patted his pocket to check his wand was still on him and went to the door.

“Theseus?”

“It’s me.”

Percival opened the door and allowed Theseus, who was closely followed by Tina, inside.

Tina spotted Credence immediately and ran over to the armchair, and wrapping her arms around him. “You were dead, we saw them hit you.” She let go of him and touched his forehead with the back of her hand. “Are you feverish? In pain?”

Credence opened his mouth to respond, but Tina carried on. “We should take him to a healer, we don’t know what could be wrong.”

“We can’t take him anywhere, Tina,” said Percival. “Officially, he’s dead. Besides, no healer would have any idea what do, or even know where to start.”

“Are we sure it is him? That this isn’t a trick?” she asked.

“It’s him,” said Percival. “I don’t know how, but he’s back.”

“What happened?”

“He just, sort of appeared here. I don’t know. He hasn’t spoken much.”

“Did he look like this?”

“Not at first. Started off as a, shadowy type thing, then exploded almost.”

“Did someone pretend to be Mr Graves?” Credence asked.

Tina looked at him puzzled. “Why yes, a very evil wizard called Grindelwald. But he isn’t around anymore, he can’t hurt you.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, Credence, I do,” Tina replied, sounding even more confused.

“Okay, I believe you.” While the comment was in response to Tina, he looked directly at Percival as he said it.

Tina looked as if she were about to ask more questions so Percival moved the conversation on. “We need to find a way to help Credence. I’ve got no idea how to check if he’s alright, whether he’s still an obscurial, if he’s hurt.”

“How he came back?” added Percival.

“Mr Scamander-” Tina began.

“Theseus, please.”  
  
“Theseus, I suggest sending an owl to your brother. He’ll be best equipped to find out what happened to Credence, and how we can help him.”  
  
“I agree,” said Percival. “From what I’ve heard, Newton is our best option.”

“Be that as it may, I have no idea where he is. This matter seems like one of a necessity, I don’t know how long an owl will take, and if we even have that time. Newt told me that obscurials can be very dangerous.”

“He’s in France,” Tina said. Percival and Theseus stared at her. “He didn’t tell you?”

“My brother’s letters have been sporadic of late. How often does he write to you?” Percival could tell that Theseus was attempting to suppress a grin.

“Not that often,” mumbled Tina. “Every other week, or once a. You know what that doesn’t matter. Do you know anywhere he could be in France?”

“We have a family home there. He works out of it sometimes. If you wanted to go I’d be happy to accompany you.”

“We might have time to catch the last portkey,” Tina said.

“Tell them it’s government business and they should put you on it.”

“Credence, how do you feel? Physically,” asked Tina.

“Normal.”

“He’ll be fine here. If you could find Newt, bring him back here,” said Percival.

“Of course. Credence needs help, I’ll do it,” she said.

“Theseus.” Percival turned to him.

“Yes, I will go with her, and no, it’s not any trouble.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll ask Queenie to come over, and check that Credence is okay. She’ll be able to deal with the general stuff. See if anything is physically wrong.” Tina said, after giving Credence a hug goodbye.

“Thank you, Tina. I know this is a lot to ask.”

“It’s worth it.” she smiled at him. “Take care of yourself. Look after him.” Then closed the door behind her and Theseus, leaving Credence and himself alone again.

Percival walked over towards Credence. He was sitting on the floor now in front of the fire, watching it instantly. Percival sat down next to him.

“You, should.” Percival cleared his throat. “You should eat something. Have some water.”

Credence shook his head. “Not now.” He shifted closer towards him. “I want you to tell me everything.  About this Grindelwald, and why he took you. Where he is, everything.”

Percival knew better to argue, so he told him. Every detail, every thought, the plans of Grindelwald, what he had endured, the transfer to London. Credence said nothing the whole time, just sat, watching the fire. Listening.

“So,” Percival finished. “That brings us to now.”

“Okay.”

“You believe me?”

“Tina says you are telling the truth. The man who hurt me wasn’t you. You are acting the same as before everything happened, so yes. I believe you. One last question.”

“Anything.”

“Modesty, what happened to her?”

“After running a few tests, we found she had no magic. Unfortunately, she had to have her memory erased, but she’s happy and healthy. She’s living with a family in Connecticut. They treat her very well.”

“That’s good, she deserves that.”

“If you could answer a question of mine?”

Credence nodded.

“What happened to you? Where were you?

“I woke up at night. The last thing I could remember was people shouting at me, and then lights coming toward me. I don't think I was ever dead. I think I was being hidden. Kept in a bubble. No one could hear me or see me. I could see everything. Hearing was like tuning in and out of a radio. Sometimes it would be loud, and other times silence. You smell like you did before.”

“Did, he, smell different?”

“Like ash. I should have known it wasn’t you.”

“No one did.”  
  
“He’d only let me call you Graves, and you stopped holding me, and touching me. I’m an idiot.”

“You did nothing wrong. That man took something good and tried to use it against you. He took bad things and used them against you. It isn’t your fault that you didn’t notice. No one did. Okay, no one.”

“I missed you.” Credence dropped his head onto Percival’s shoulder and closed eyes. “I thought you’d hurt me and I tried so hard to hate you, but I couldn’t, and I couldn’t stop myself from coming here.

“It wasn’t me, I’d never do that to you.”  
  
“I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You’re back, that’s all that matters.”

“He made me think you didn’t want me around anymore.”

“Never.”

“Ma’s dead.”

 _Good._ Percival wanted to say. “I know.”

“What do I do now?” Credence’s voice was quiet, unsure.

“Whatever you’d like.”

“If I want to leave?” he asked.

“You leave.”

“And if I wanted to stay with you?”

“Then you stay with me.”

“I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Being alone again.”

“You won’t be.” He rubbed soothing circles on Credence’s back.

“I’m tired.”

“Then sleep.”

“You’ll come too?”

“For as long as you want me there.”

* * *

Credence woke to an empty space on the bed, where Percival had been laying.

He recognised the room he was in, dimly lit by a solitary candle, remembered the feel of the sheets, could hear music and the sounds of movement coming from the drawing room.

However, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all an elaborate dream, and he would be going back to the church, facing his mother. Or would wake up cold and alone, not seen or heard by anyone. A ghost.

Eventually, he found the courage to get up and go out to find Percival.

He was standing in the kitchen, chopping something, humming absentmindedly along to the music. Whatever he was cooking, it smelled good. It suddenly dawned on Credence just how hungry he was. When was the last time he had eaten? Or drank?

Percival seemed to notice to sounds of someone approaching. “I didn’t wake you did I?”

Credence came fully into the kitchen, standing next to Percival. “No, I woke myself. What are you doing?”

“Preparing dinner.”

“Don’t you use magic to do the slicing?”

“Usually, but I do like the feeling of doing something slowly, myself.”

“Do you want any help?” croaked Credence, the dryness in his throat becoming more apparent.

“Have something to drink. There’s water on the table.”

Credence nodded his thanks, and poured himself a glass, gulping it down.

“I’m just making something simple, soup and bread. I hope that’s alright.”

“That’s perfect.” Credence poured himself another glass of water. “You made me that the first time I came here.”

“I forgot about that.” Percival flicked his wand and the vegetables he chopped rose and fell into the pot on the stove, then reduced the heat of the fire with a gesture of his hand. He stared at Credence before moving over to him, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

“You alright?” Percival wrapped his arms around Credence’s waist.

“Is it strange I feel good?”

“I feel that I’m going to wake up any second and you won’t be here.”  
  
“I feel that too.”

“Dance with me?” He asked as if nothing had happened. As if Credence hadn't been dead. As if they'd been in this routine for years, and to Credence. Well, it felt like everything he'd ever wanted. 

He looked up and allowed Percival to pull him closer. He draped his arms over Percival’s shoulders and swayed with him in time with the music.

“But you’re feeling okay?” Percival asked again, his breath hot against Credence’s ear.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt better. It’s like” he paused. ”A weight, has gone off my chest. I feel free.”

“I’m glad. I want you to be happy.”

“I like this song. We wouldn’t have had the money for a radio, but Ma would’ve never let us have any sort of music anyway. I only heard bits while on the street.”

“I’ll show you how to use it. I think I have my phonograph around here somewhere too.”

“Percival” The name felt familiar on his tongue. Better than any prayer or saying. Maybe he had finally found his absolution. “Are you okay? When I use to watch you here, you’d be...” Credence trailed off.

Percival pressed a gentle kiss to Credence’s temple. “I’m better.”

He tilted his head up, ghosted his lips over Percival’s jaw.

“Sweetheart,” Percival’s voice was apprehensive, unsure.

“I know what I want.” A chaste kiss to Percival’s lips.

“I don’t want to take advantage.”

“You aren’t”

“You thought I had betrayed you only a few hours ago.”

“But you didn’t.” Credence breathed out, tilting his head back, as Percival's lips met the skin on his neck.

As the music started to slow and stutter, Percival pulled out of their soft swaying embrace. “Dinner first?”

Credence looked into Percival’s eyes, affectionate, kind, tired. There’s something there he can’t quite place, but if he had to guess, it would be something to do with the overwhelming sense of love and desire that was swelling in him.

He smiled, for the first time, in a long time. A smile he meant, that came naturally to him, any traces of previous anger wiped away. “Ready when you are.”

* * *

Queenie had arrived shortly after they had finished dinner, bringing a plate of cookies and clean clothes with her.

“For Credence,” she said handing the items to Percival.  
  
“Thank you.”

“Are you alright, Sir?”

“We’re not at work Queenie, it’s Percival, and I’m good. Was Tina alright?”

“She was fine. Worried, but otherwise good.”

“I’m sorry for bringing you here, I’m sure you have other things to be doing.”

“I’m happy to help.” She smiled at him widely. “You don’t need to be worried, I’m sure everything is fine with Credence.”

“Stay out of my head Queenie.”

“You don’t have to worry, your guard is holding up perfectly well. I don’t need to be a legilimens to see you’re concerned.”

“I apologise. Do you want tea?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“He’s just through here..” Percival said to her, leading her to the fireplace, where Credence sat waiting.

“I’ll put this away.”

He moved over to the kitchen leaving Credence alone with Queenie. _“I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Queenie. Tina’s sister.”_

Percival set down the clothes and food and went about making the tea. _Credence is fine,_ he told himself. _Nothing to worry about._ He glanced over the counter to see Queenie’s wand out, her mouth moving.

Queenie caught his gaze and smiled. “Everything okay?”

Credence turned his head.

Percival could tell that all Queenie was thinking was  _stop worrying._

He cleared his throat. “Tea, Credence?”

“Just some water please.”

He nodded and busied himself over the drinks, and put a few of Queenie’s cookies on a plate. He flicked his wand and waited for the items to settle to themselves on the small table in between the two armchairs, before moving over to them.

“Everything was fine, nothing physically wrong, you can stop your worrying,”  Queenie said as soon as he had perched on the arm of Credence’s chair.

“She knows what I’m thinking.” Credence said to him.

“Annoying isn’t it?” Percival grinned.

“I think it’s amazing.”

“Aren’t you a doll.” Queenie smiled at him brightly. She took a sip of her tea. “When do you expect Teenie and Mr Scamander back?”

“Teenie?”  
  
“Don’t tell her I called her that. She hates it.”

“I suspect they’ll be back whenever they find Newton. Which will either be extremely easy, or very difficult.”

“Newton?” questioned Queenie. “Have you known the Scamander's a long time?”

“Can’t you get that from reading his mind?” asked Credence. “Sorry I asked, I just wanted-”

“It’s alright dear,” Queenie said soothingly. “It doesn’t exactly work in that way. Depending on the person I get a little or a lot of information from them. From most people it’s their thoughts and feelings, memories can be a little more difficult. With Percival, it’s a little different because he has trained himself to prevent people like me looking into his head.”

Percival couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips upon seeing the genuine expression of interest on Credence’s face. 

“So, how did you meet them?” asked Queenie.

“Ilvermorny used to run an exchange program with Hogwarts, the wizarding school in Britain. Seraphina and I went in our sixth and that’s where we met Theseus, Newt’s older brother, and we’ve been friends since. Though I’ve only met Newt a handful of times. He was quite young as well.”

“Newt said he began to suspect something was wrong when you spoke to him.”

“Yes, I don’t think Grindelwald knew that much about me and Theseus.”

“He and Tina seem to get on quite well. I hear he writes frequently.”

“I’m not saying a word,” said Queenie. “Tina is already so awkward about it.”

Percival laughed. “I feel sorry for Theseus.”

“Be nice when they get here.”  
  
“Queenie. When I am ever anything but a delight?”

“You made Abernathy cry the other week.”

“He probably deserved it.”  
  
Queenie giggled. “Oh, don’t say that. He really isn’t that bad.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Percival said to Credence in a stage whisper. “He’s awful.”

She laughed again. “Now, he’s just a little, conservative about some things.”

“All things, you mean.”

“How did you make him cry?” asked Credence.  
  
“If you don’t pull your head your head out of your ass and stop being a rat about things, I swear to Merlin boy, you will be out of this job faster than you can take out your wand.” Queenie deepened her voice in a mock attempt of sounding like Percival.

“First of, I sound nothing like that. And I’ve said worse to him, I don’t know why that set him off.”

“That doesn’t sound like something you’d do Percival.”

Percival glanced down at Credence, feeling his heart swell. _He did not deserve someone so sweet._

“Well, Mr Graves takes his job very seriously,” said Queenie. “He gets a little passionate sometimes.”

“I don’t mean to do it,” Percival said.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Queenie said. “I’m afraid I need to get a move on, but you know where I am if you need anything.” She gave Credence a hug and did the same to Percival when they had reached the front door.

“Please don’t hesitate to get me. I’m always happy to help friends.”

“Thank you, Queenie. I mean it.”

She gave him one last smile, and once out in the corridor, vanished in a loud crack.

Percival went back into the kitchen to find Credence drying a plate with a dishtowel.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Just want to be helpful.” Credence put the plate back into the cupboard.

“You don’t need to be.” Percival moved closer to him. “You don’t owe anything, you don’t need to do anything. Take it slow. Do something you want to.”

Credence closed the gap between them, wrapped his arms around Percival. “If I want you to-”

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Percival interrupted.

“What didn’t stop you before that is stopping you now?”

“You were dead, or almost dead Credence. I just don’t want you to do anything you may come to regret later. And I was selfish before, I put you in a position I shouldn’t have.”

“You’re saying you wish you hadn’t?”  
  
Percival shook his head vigorously. “I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying that I should have gone about things differently. I was in a position of power over you. I took advantage of the situation.”  
  
“You didn’t. Percival, you didn’t.” Credence kissed his jaw, cheek, lips. “I know what I want. What I’m doing.”

“Did you, uh, with other people?”

“Twice for money, once for pleasure, but he paid me anyway.” admitted Credence.

“You never said.”

“I was ashamed.”

“You aren’t anymore?” asked Percival.

“I’m trying not to be. I had a lot of time to think when I was, hidden. Ma’s dead, I don’t have to listen to her anymore. I don’t have to be scared.”

Percival couldn’t help himself, to press his lips to the other man's neck, breathe in his scent. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

So Percival kisses him. Open mouthed, full, tongue and teeth. He pushed Credence back against the counter. Credence moaned softly as Percival bit his bottom lip.

He broke away, eventually, leaving them both breathless, mouths wet, lips full. “You alright?”

“Perfect.”

He pulled Credence into a tight embrace. “You wanna sleep now?”

“Yeah, I’m quite tired.”

“Want me to stay with you again?”

He nodded.

Percival led Credence into the bedroom, watching him as he settled.

“You coming?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Percival nodded. “Do you mind if I take off my shirt?”

“No.”

He undid the first few buttons of his shirt, pulled it off in one motion. Percival went to the dresser and unstoppered one of the potions he had been given, drinking down as quickly as possible. That taste was not pleasant.

“What was that?” asked Credence, as he climbed into bed.

“It’s a potion that helps me to sleep. It means I don’t have any dreams.” He pulled the blanket over the both of them.

Credence curled up against him, placing his head on Percival’s chest, his arm draped across Percival’s stomach. “Does it help?”

“Very much.”

“That’s good.”

He carded his fingers through Credence’s hair, gently massaging his scalp.

Credenced mewed a sound of appreciation.

“All good?”

“Yes.”

A few minutes later, Credence’s breathing had levelled out was asleep. Percival didn’t stop stroking his hair.

He pulled Credence closer toward him, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

 **X** **X**    **X**

 

When Percival woke, he found Credence already up, fingers tracing patterns across his chest.

“Mornin,” he mumbled sleepily. He turned his head to press a kiss to Credence’s forehead. “Been up long?”

“A little while, I uh, no, not long.”

“You can tell me if something’s wrong.”

“Just a bad dream. Didn’t get back to sleep after. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“You could have woken me. I wouldn't've minded.”

“Didn’t want to be a bother.” mumbled Credence.

“You aren’t ever bothering me.”

Credence stopped the movement of his fingers across Percival and shifted so he was sitting upright against the headboard.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It wasn’t anything new. Just stuff to do with Ma.”

He could tell that Credence was not comfortable talking about whatever it was he had dreamt about, so Percival thought best to leave it. He didn’t want to pressure him.

“Do you want breakfast?” asked Percival.

“Okay.”

* * *

Credence sat at the table waiting for Percival to finish making breakfast. He had protested in offering his help but was silenced with a kiss and told to relax _._

The radio crackled and hummed as another song started.

Percival walked over to him, a plate of food in each hand, a tray with water and tea levitating behind him. He placed a plate in front of Credence and his opposite him. With a gesture of his hand, the tray settled on the table.

“Thank you.” Credence said as Percival sat down.

“I have a couple of errands to run,” Percival said, pouring himself and Credence some tea. “They shouldn’t take long, but I’ll be gone the better part of the morning and possibly to the afternoon.”

“That’s fine.”

“You’ll be alright on your own?”

“Yes.” he took a sip of his drink. “What do you have to do?”

“I have to see Seraphina.”  
  
“She is?”

“She’s my boss firstly, but also my friend. I’ve been off work the last couple weeks, she just wants to check in.”

“How long have you known her?”

“All my life practically. Since I started Ilvermorny when I was eleven.”

“I think I remember her. The other you, the man pretending to be you, was arguing with her when I, when everything happened.”

“She’s the one who ordered for you to be taken down. I know she had no idea what was happening, and just wanted to protect the people. I don’t hold it against her. I hope you won’t either.”

“I wouldn’t.” said Credence. “She was just doing her job. If she’d known more, then it wouldn’t have happened.”

“She’s going to kill me when I tell her all of this.”

“Does she not approve of..”

“Oh no,” Percival said quickly. “Nothing like that. She likes to work by the book and doesn’t want to bend the rules when it comes to working. She’ll lecture me on the consequences of my actions for a few days. What on earth are you doing, Percy? Don’t you think about what could happen.”

Credence laughed at Percival’s impression. “Do many people call you Percy?”

“Sera only says it if she’s in good mood. And if I’ve rubbed her the wrong way, she’s full naming me.  Theseus says it the most, and my brother did occasionally. ”

“Can I call you Percy?”

“You can call me whatever you want to.” Percival smiled at him brightly. He looked younger in the morning light. A sense of ease in his eyes Credence hadn’t seen before.

After a lengthy breakfast, Percival interrupted their conversation and shot up from his seat.

“I’m running late.” He pressed a kiss to Credence’s cheek.  “You’ll be okay?” he asked for the third time.

“I’ll be fine.”

“The radio is there for you to use, there are books on the shelf. There’s plenty of food if you get hungry. If anything runs over, you shouldn’t worry, I won’t be back any later than two.”

“Percy,” Credence saw a smile tugging at the man's lips upon the use of that name. “I’m fine, I’ve been alone plenty, I don’t think a few hours now will hurt me too much.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-”  
  
“Not ready for me to start joking with you again?”

Percival laughed. “You never did it much, to begin with.”

“I did, you just never picked up on it.”

"I really have to go. I’ll see you later.” Percival kissed him again before disappearing on the spot.

Credence yawned, stretching his arms. He felt exhausted, his sleep being disturbed before he could any proper rest.  

He went into Percival’s bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. It didn’t take long for the exhaustion to overpower him, and to fall into a deep sleep.

 

 **X**    **X**    **X**

 

Credence woke around twelve, Percival still hadn’t returned. He was about to venture into the kitchen and make himself and Percival some lunch when there was a loud knocking at the door.

_Percival wouldn’t be knocking on his own door._

_Should he answer?_  
_  
_ It could be Queenie. Even Tina.

Apprehensively, Credence made his way the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s us.” That was Queenie’s voice.

Credence opened the door a fraction, and upon seeing Queenie’s golden hair, opened fully, allowing those outside to enter.

“Where’s Mr Graves?” asked Queenie pulling off her scarf.

“He said he had some things to do this morning. He’ll be back by two.”

“Percival left you here alone?” Tina said reproachfully.

“I’m fine, I can be by myself.”

“Stop fretting, Tina.” Queenie admonished.

At that point, the younger man in the group held out his hand to Credence. “I’m Newt Scamander. I don’t believe we’ve formally met.”

Credence shook his hand. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Leave that.” The older man, _Theseus_ , said. “I’ll make tea, Newt can start doing what he needs to.”

He nodded, and led the others to the drawing room, taking a seat at the dining table, Newt sat opposite, Tina and Queenie on either side of him.

Newt took out his wand. “Firstly I’m going to perform some very simple spells just to see what your general health is like. If you aren’t comfortable with anything, tell me to stop.”

Credence nodded.

Newt muttered something Credence couldn’t make out and began moving his wand in a circular motion. He did this a few more times, varying words and movements. All the time, Credence felt nothing.

“Your health appears to be normal,” he said. “I’m not able to detect anything obscurial like, but there is definitely traces of magic. It could be that the obscurus is lying dormant.”

“Is there any way to check?” Theseus had re-entered, holding a tray laden with tea and biscuits. He placed it in the middle of the table and sat next to Newt.

“Yes,” replied Newt. “But, as Credence’s obscurus tended to emerge from great emotional stress, we would have to recreate a situation like that.”

“I do not like the idea of that,” interjected Tina.

“Neither do I.” concurred Theseus.

“I don’t mind.” Credence said after a long pause.

“Credence, you don’t have to,” Queenie said gently. “I’m sure there is another way to find out.”

Newt opened his mouth as if about to argue against this comment but Theseus spoke before him. “I agree with Miss Goldstein. It could be very dangerous.”

“But you’d stop before anything happened. If I started to look like I was losing control, you wouldn’t carry on.”

“I would,” said Newt.

Tina shot Newt a look of deep disapproval. “Is there really no other way?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shouldn’t we at least wait for Percival?” asked Theseus.

“It wouldn’t be difficult,” Newt said. “I’d just need to extract a memory and cast a few spells to see how the magical traces inside Credence are reacting.”

“Spells that only you have tested, Newton.”

“They haven’t gone wrong yet.”

“I’m sure I can talk down Credence just as effectively as Mr Graves would be able to,” Tina said.

Credence noticed that both Theseus and Queenie’s gaze fell on him at those words.

“I’m going to need you to think of a bad memory.” Newt said to him. “I’m going to amplify it in your mind and that should cause an emotional reaction. If there is an obscurus within you it will wake, and if not, we can know about your magical abilities.”

He closed his eyes, tilted his head back and thought.

“Have you got something?”

Credence nodded. Letting his brain be filled with thoughts of his mother, the beatings, the words, the fear.

He heard Newt’s voice faintly, and then. And then.

It was as if he was back there, in the church, his mother towering over his limp form on the floor. His belt was in her hand, and she began hitting him, no control. Lash after lash after lash.

_This is it. This is how he dies. Cold and alone, beaten with own belt._

_Everything around him was beginning to fade, muffled sounds, and-_

“Credence are you with me?”

He opened his eyes. _Newt._

“Are you alright?” asked Theseus.

“Fine.” Credence said, attempting to make his voice sound as steady as possible, despite the lump in his throat.

“Have a cookie darlin’” Queenie rubbed his back soothingly. “You look very pale.”

“I’m okay.” He wiped away a tear on his cheek.

“Tea then?”

“No, thank you.”

The click of the lock on the door stood out in the silence of the room.

“Credence? I’m back” Percival's voice called from the front door.

He rose at once going over to the hallway. “They’re here. Newt’s and his brother, Tina and Queenie.”

“That’s good, when did they arrive?”

“Around one. Not too long ago.”

Percival took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “Are you alright?”.

“I’m fine. Newt’s just finished his tests.”

"And?”

“You came before he could tell us.”

“I’ll put these away,” Percival held up the white bag he was carrying. “Then I’ll join you.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, look at me.”

Credence met Percival’s gaze.

“What is it?” he asked, concern rife in his voice.

“Later?”

“Alright, I’ll be with you in minute.”

Credence went back to the table. “Percival’s just putting a few things away.”  
  
“We’ll wait.” Newt said.

Queenie poured some tea and pushed the cup towards him. Credence took a sip, eyes still stinging from trying to hold back his tears.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hello”

“Nice to see you again, Percival.” said Newt. “It’s a shame it’s always under such odd circumstances.”

Percival smiled and sat on Newt’s other side, eyes fixated on Credence.

“So, Credence?” asked Tina.

“There’s no obscurus there.” Newt said. “You certainly have magic, it’s strong.”

“What do you think happened?” asked Percival.

“My best guess,” he said. “Would be that there was an obscurus there till very recently. After being hit by the aurors spells the Obscurus most likely manifested itself into a, sort of shield. It kept Credence hidden completely as a safety mechanism. Over time that would have began to break down, until it decayed completely, just leaving his pure magical ability.”

“His magic is like any other wizards?” Percival inquired.

“Yes.”

“You’ll need to tell Seraphina,” said Theseus said to Percival.

“Why?” Tina and Percival said at the same time.  
  
“If you want to get him a wand, and train him, even have him listed as someone who exists. She’ll need to know. She is also one of your oldest friends, Percival.”

“She’s really going to kill me this time,” muttered Perical. ”She’s up for reelection next year, that’s going to make things worse.”

“Explain the _whole_ situation to her, and I’m sure It’ll be fine. Eventually.”  

“Are you feeling alright Credence?” asked Newt.

“Just tired.”

“You can sleep if you want,” said Percival. “If Newt has finished.”

“Oh yes, I’m all done here.”

Queenie pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You get some sleep now sweetie, you look exhausted.”

Tina smiled at him and patted him on the back.

“Thank you, Newt. All of you.”

He caught Percival’s gaze as he stood up.

“Take my bed Credence, I’ll use the guest room.”

He nodded at Perical, hoping the expression in his eyes of don't _be too long,_ would be conveyed to him.

* * *

 Tina and Queenie stood up from their chairs.

“We should be going,” Tina said. “I shouldn’t be away from work much longer. I already took off yesterday.”

“As your boss Tina,” Percival said also rising from his chair. “I can tell you it won’t be a problem.”

Queenie pulled him into a tight hug. “Take care of yourself.” Her voice lowered to a tone only he could hear. “And Credence too.”

Newt was standing uncomfortably at Tina’s side. “I suppose that’s it then.”

“Yes.” she said, her gaze focused determinedly on the wall.

“My book is coming along nicely.”

“I’m glad.”

“Oh for the love of Merlin,” Theseus said not even attempting to lower his voice.

Newt glared at him.

“Ladies, thank you for all of your help. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to send me an owl. Any friend of Percival is a friend of mine.” He kissed them both Queenie and Tina on the cheek.

“It was nice meeting you again Newt.” Queenie walked with Theseus to the door, who had captured her in a conversation about her legilimens abilities.

“Goodbye, Newt,” Tina said.

Newt’s cheeks were steadily rising in colour.

Percival wanted nothing more than to knock both their heads together.

Instead, he opted to end the uncomfortable silence and put them both out of their misery.

“Newton, it was good to see you after so long. I think the last time I saw you was when you left Hogwarts.”

“Yes, it has been a while. My brother speaks very highly of you.”

“Theseus is very proud of what you’ve done. And I can’t thank you enough for coming all the way here to help Credence.”

“I should be going now,” Tina said. “I’ve kept Queenie waiting.”

Percival walked her to the door, where Queenie was in hushed conversation with Theseus.

They stopped their talking immediately upon seeing Tina and Percival.

“My ears are burning,” joked Percival. “You two talking about us?”

“Never gives me the benefit of the doubt this one,” Theseus said hugging Queenie, and then Tina.

Percival turned to Tina. “I really can't thank you enough.”

“It’s not any trouble. You’re sure Credence will be okay here?”

“Oh, I’m sure he will be perfectly fine.” Theseus said, a grin tugging at his lips.

If Percival could have gotten away with it, he would have stamped on Theseus’ toes.

“Tina,” Queenie said, giving Percival a sympathetic look. “He’ll be fine, and if something's wrong, I am sure Percival will let us know.”

They said their final goodbyes, and upon the two women vanishing on the spot. Percival and Theseus returned to the drawing room.

Newt was fumbling around in his briefcase.

“I hope there are no animals in their, Newton.” Theseus said, in a tone that could only be described as one a parent would use.

“No, I learnt my lesson. I fed them before I left. They have plenty of food for a few days. Might be a little lonely though.” Newt grimaced as someone feeling immense guilt would.

“They’ll be fine,” Percival. “Much better at home than running loose in my city.”

“I’m still sorry about that.”

“Really, you shouldn’t be. If you hadn’t come here, they may never have found me.”

“How do you know Credence?” Newt asked. “I know Tina knew him but I didn’t understand why he came here.”

Percival could see Theseus was on the verge of reprimanding his brother for asking, but he knew the question couldn’t be avoided.

“When Tina was demoted, she asked me to look out for Credence. I never got the chance to tell her, but I did as she asked. Grindelwald used our.” Percival paused. “Used our friendship in order to get close to Credence, hence why he chose me to impersonate.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been very difficult for Credence.”

“He believed me more quickly than I thought he would.”

“I trust that you’ll help him well.”

“Are you staying here tonight?” Percival asked.

“If you wouldn’t mind. We haven’t booked a hotel.”

“The guest room has two beds take those.”

“Where will you sleep?” Newt asked.

Percival did not look at Theseus. “I can take the sofa. My potions knock me out so I won’t be uncomfortable.”

“I should probably sleep now. I’ll need to catch an early portkey.”

“I’ll do the same. I have to go back to London sometime this week.”

Percival led them to the guest room, flicking his wand at the candles that were on the sideboard.  
  
He gestured to another door on the side of the room. “Bathroom is there. If you need anything, I’ll be outside.”

After saying good night, Percival left the two and retired to his bedroom.

Credence was still awake, reading a book, sitting against the headboard, blankets pulled up to his middle.

Percival undressed quickly, pulled on his nightclothes and climbed into bed next to him, resting his head on Credence’s lap. “You should have gone to sleep.”

He put down the book. “Wanted to wait for you.”

“You feelin’ alright?”

“Yeah,”

“You weren’t before. When I came back.” Percival moved from his position so he was sitting upright. He wrapped an arm around Credence, who rested his head on Percival’s shoulder.

“It was just one of Newt’s tests.” he mumbled.

“What happened?”

“I had to think of a bad memory and it felt like I was back there, and I just.” Credence trailed off.

“I'm sorry. That must have been difficult.”

“I’m scared that you’ll leave, that I’ll get taken away again, lied to.”

“You won’t. It isn’t going to happen.”

“Promise me.”

“I swear to you.”

Credence tilted his head up and kissed Percival’s jaw.

“We can’t do anything now,” Percival said. “Newt is still here, and I haven’t mentioned anything about us.”

“He doesn’t seem like someone who'd be angry.”

“It’s just a lot to explain,” Percival answered, quickly adding. “I’m going to tell them.”.

“I know that.”

“I don’t want you to have to do this now.”  
  
“I understand. I don’t mind.”

“You sure?” asked Percival.

“I’d prefer you staying here.” said Credence. “But it’s okay if you can’t.”

“I can stay a little while longer. What are you reading?”

“It was on your bedside.” He handed the book to Percival.

“Treasure Island. Theseus gave it to me a few years ago.  It’s no-Maj literature, wizards in England read a lot more of it than we do.”

“Read it to me?” Credence shifted himself so he nestled into Percival’s side, head on his chest. “I folded the page I was on.”

Percival cleared his throat and opened the book.

“ _About noon I stopped at the captain’s door with some cooling drinks and medicines. He was lying very much as we had left him, only a little higher, and he seemed both weak and excited.”_

Percival continued reading until Credence was asleep, and stayed there, holding him, long after that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ideally wanted this finished by Christmas, but we’ll see how much writing I get done....
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always appreciated
> 
> (i chose Treasure Island because im black sails trash hamilflint 5ever)


	7. First Day of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry the almost year-long gap between the last update. Honestly, I just didn’t feel like writing. I got the urge just to write a couple days ago and also i just feel very attached to this plot and i want to finish it and when i write i do enjoy it. This is not well written, it has lots of mistakes. It’s pretty much ALL dialogue but i had fun doing it and i like the story.
> 
> In my not writing I thought a lot about why I even write in the first place. What i write is for my enjoyment. I don’t write to get better at writing. I don’t write fanfiction as practice for original fiction. I don’t write for other people. I write because I like doing it for myself. I get to ‘see’ the plots that I want the characters to be in. Posting them on here seems unnecessary sometimes because of this. But even if one person gets a kick out of what I’ve written then I suppose that’s worth it and why I continue to put what I write on here 
> 
> This has only been edited once via grammerly so forgive me for the masses of mistakes
> 
> I don’t have any specific content warnings for this chapter. Unless reading people argue is something you don’t like? If you have something you want me to list a warning just lemme know. 
> 
> Chapter title song is first day of my life by bright eyes

The sunlight stung Percival's eyes as he rose from the couch. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glanced over to the clock on the wall. Six in the morning.

Percival supposed that no one would be awake yet. The portkey office didn’t open until nine, and after Newt’s test last night, Credence probably needed the extra sleep.

He went to his bedroom and opened the door carefully, so he did not make any noise. Credence was fast asleep, sprawled out, snoring softly.

Percival smiled at the sight. It was a relief to see Credence looking so peaceful. Not plagued by worries or nightmares, but calm and content.

This, however, did not stop the nagging thoughts in his head. How would he train Credence in magic? What on earth would he tell Sera? Would she agree to his plan?

Percival closed his bedroom door quietly and went to the kitchen. It startled him slightly to see that Newt was already awake, sitting at the table reading the latest copy of the New York Prophet.

“Good morning, Percival,” Newt said, placing the paper down on the table. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No. It’s early, I didn’t expect anyone to be up.”

“I usually wake this early to feed my creatures. It’s become natural to me now. Would you like some tea? I took the liberty of making breakfast, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Percival said, taking a seat opposite Newt. “Some tea would be good, thanks.”

Newt flicked his wand and muttered accio under his breath. A teacup soared off the counter and landed on the table gently.

“I need to discuss something with you.”

Newt made an inquisitive noise, pushing the teacup towards Percival.

“I told you that Tina asked me to look after Credence. Which I did, but our, friendship, developed into something else. Something, romantic.”

Newt said nothing after so Percival continued.

“I promise you that everything that has happened between us has been mutual and consensual. I have never done anything that Credence did not want to do. I love him and would not harm him. I hope that you understand that.”

Newt sighed, glancing over to the window where a small bird was perched on the ledge. “From what my brother has told me of you, from what Tina has said and from what I’ve seen. I do believe that you would never intentionally harm Credence. However, that does not mean that you haven’t unintentionally hurt him.”

“How do you mean?” asked Percival.

“Well, Credence was very lonely. He didn’t have any support. Romance, love, desire, those would have been all new experiences for him. He may have convinced himself that he needed to do certain things to keep you around. He might have convinced himself that he needed to like these things to be normal.”

He must not have been as good as hiding the anger on his face as he thought because Newt continued quickly. “Not that I’m suggesting this is, in fact, the case. I will not be able to know until I speak to Credence myself. I just think that the situation he was in creates automatic problems.”

Percival took a sip of his tea, contemplating his response. “I did my best, to make sure that at all times, Credence was not thinking like that. If you are suggesting I took advantage of him in some way, then it may be in your interests to know that we never did more than kiss. Credence has told me that there were, that he had, been with, other men. His feelings weren’t new. He understood them, but he was ashamed, scared. I worried for a long time about my authority over the situation, and I understand where you are coming from, but I will not be made out as a predator in your mind.”

“I have no doubt that you didn’t do anything to pressure Credence but I cannot truly know the situation until I have heard both sides.”

“Newton you can stop the interrogation, that boy has lovesick puppy written all over his face.” Percival jumped in his seat, almost knocking his tea over.

Newt rolled his eyes. “Good morning Theseus, thank you for that addition to our private conversation.”

“If it were truly private my dear brother, you’d use a silencing spell.” Theseus sat down in the seat next to Percival. “I’ll be leaving soon, my things are packed. I can’t afford to take more time off. And Newton, your friend blonde friend spoke to Credence, used her occlumency. I can assure you that he’s quite competent in making his own choices. I know you feel a need to protect him, but don’t infantilise him, he’s an adult, not one of your creatures.”

“He did not have a normal upbringing. He had all agency taken from him, even as a young adult, which he still is. He’s only twenty-three.”

“Are you suggesting that people who have unfortunate upbringings can’t make choices for themselves?”

“Credence has never known anything but the Second Salemers. And I would call being beaten every day a little more than unfortunate.”

“There are no doubts in his thoughts.”

“And I can affirm that when I speak to him.” Newt snapped.

“I do agree with Newt,” said Percival.

Newt raised his eyebrows and Theseus banged his head down on the table in frustration.

“I mean that Credence has never known anything but the Second Salemers. Credence is perfectly able to make his choices, and I hope that when you speak to him Newt you’ll see his confidence. I have a plan to help him.”

“Help him with what?” asked Newt.

“He needs to be registered with MACUSA and given a wand license. So, the story I’ve devised his that his parents were no-maj’s who were killed or went missing. Having no other family, no one came for Credence, so he was left here alone then taken by the Second Salemers, and his magic was repressed. Once the church was destroyed, he came to MACUSA for help.”

“Are you actively trying to make Wizards hate muggles more?” Theseus asked sarcastically.

“It works as a story to get Credence along in living a normal life. Our party also wasn’t in power when Credence was born, this way we can make it seem like the GOWP’s fault. If the story gets out into the press, I can’t have it be something that damages our reputation so close to the election.”

“Party over country, really?”

“Before an election, yes.”

“Why did you need to tell me this?” asked Newt.

“I think he should go with you and you can train him to use a wand and spells.”

“Percival-” Theseus began.

“Newt said it,” Percival continued, ignoring Theseus. “He needs to know someplace other than here. Meet new people, experience new things. He needs to forget New York and the people in it. If while away he likes it better there, if the people make him happier than isn’t that the best thing for him?”

“I’d be happy to take him with me. His magic is strong, and I’d believe he’d learn quickly.”

“You agree then? That distance will be good for him.”

“It will either reassure him that this is where he wants to be or give another option of how he can live. He should have all the opportunities he can before making a final choice.”

“Are you joking?” Theseus said incredulously. “You’re just sending him away?”

“Thee, it’s the best thing for-”

“You are ridiculous, the both of you.” interrupted Theseus. “You talk about how he can and should be able to make his own choices yet you discuss this as if he has no choice but to leave.”

“He needs the space.”

“Have you asked him? What if he says no? Will he be forced to go anyway?”

“Of course not-”

“You to think very carefully about how you go about this. That young man has been alone for longer than any person should be. Don’t make him feel that way again.”

“Wait,” said Newt. “Why is the person who got expelled being the one enlisted to teach magic to a beginner?”

“Don’t be an idiot.” Theseus rolled his eyes. “You are a gifted magician and would be a patient teacher, it’s quite obvious.”

“Percival?” a voice called from the living room.

“In here.” called out Percival.

Credence came into the kitchen, wearing the clothes that Queenie had brought for him.

Percival smiled warmly at him, still in disbelief that this was not a dream. “The pastries Queenie made are on the counter if you’re hungry.”

He shook his head and took a seat next to Newt. “Is everything's alright?”

“I should be off. Felix will have my head if I’m not back,” Theseus stood up. “No need to see me out,” he added upon Percival pushing his chair back.

“Do you need help with your trunk?” asked Percival.

“I’ve already sent my things to the portkey office.” Theseus walked around to Newt, pressed a kiss to the top of his head and ruffled his hair. “Stay out of trouble baby brother. I don’t want another angry letter from Seraphina.”

“I helped her, in the end,” Newt said defensively.

“Credence, it was terrific to meet you.” He gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. “I’m sure we’ll be spending more time together in the future.”

Percival stood up as Theseus moved back around towards the door, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” He pulled away from the hug. “The last few weeks, I’d never have been able to, wouldn’t have…” he trailed off but knew that Theseus understood his sentiment.

“I’ll use floo to talk to you when I’m back home.”

Percival saw Theseus down to the road despite his protests. After he had disapperated, Percival made his way back up to his apartment. He lingered in the doorway to the living room, watching Credence speaking to Newt. His eyes were brighter, shoulders no longer heavy.

“I told Newt about us,” Percival said from his spot in the doorway.

Credence looked up suddenly, the colour rising fast in his cheeks. “Oh.”

“I’m going to get dressed, but Newton has some things he’d like to discuss with you. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

Credence nodded. Percival felt a twinge of guilt at the worried look on his face. He probably should have given Credence a warning before dropping this all on him.

He tried not to listen to the muffled voices as he went to his bedroom, tried not to think of what Credence would think when Newt would bring up the topic of leaving New York.

He sat on his bed and put his head in hands. _Maybe Theseus was right._

 

* * *

 

The door to his bedroom was flung open to reveal an irate looking Credence. “You’re making me leave?”

Just hearing the tone of Credence’s voice made Percival sick with guilt.

“Credence,” he said softly. “I am not making you leave.”

“But I have to go with Newt?”

“You don't _have to_ do anything. But getting out of New York will be a good experience.”

“Why can’t I stay here?”

“You need to get rid of any clouded judgement you may have. Leaving for a while will help you with that.”

Credence sat down on the edge of the bed. Legs pressed together, arms wrapped around his middle as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible.

“If,” Credence paused and closed his eyes. “If you don’t want me anymore, you can tell me. You don’t need to pretend.”

Percival shifted closer to Credence and took one of his hands in his own, tracing gentle patterns with his thumb.

“I would never lie to you. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I truly believe that leaving here for a few months will be good. However, if you are so against it, you don’t have to leave. I wouldn’t want you doing anything you don’t want.”

Credence pulled his hand away from Percival. “What about you?”

“Forget about me for a few months. Start afresh, see how it feels.”

“I can’t contact you at all?” he grimaced.

“You can write if you want, but I think cutting all ties would be easier. I don’t want you thinking you have some sort of obligation to me while you are away.”

“And if I find a reason not to come back?”

“If you’re happy, then that’s what you do.”

To his surprise, Credence shifted until he was right next to him and rested his head on Percival’s shoulder.

“It sounds nice, what Newt said. I’ve never left New York before. It’d be nice to see other countries, and I can learn magic. I trust you. And if you think this is the best path for me and one that will help me, then I’d like to go.”

“Remember you have no commitment or obligation to me. You’re totally free to do as you please. xxxI don’t know what you feel for me Credence. What that man did you wearing my face would have been a great trauma, and I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

“I’m not.” implored Credence. “ I don’t see you as the man who did those things to me.”

“Credence, up until a day ago you were convinced I was evil and had betrayed you.”

“But I don’t feel that way anymore.” he insisted.

“It takes a lot longer than a good night's sleep to overcome months of anger.”

“I would appreciate it, Percival, if you didn’t try to tell me how I’m feeling.” retorted Credence.

“I just mean that if you didn’t feel anything romantic for me, I would understand,” Percival said trying to explain himself more clearly. “And if when you’re away, you meet someone who you _feel_ something for then you have every right to act on those feelings.”

“What if I come back and nothing has changed. I still want to be in New York, I still want to be with you. I-I still love you.” Credence’s gaze shifted to the floor upon his last sentence. “I’m trusting you, Percy. I need you to trust in me too.”

“Credence-”

“I am not broken,” stressed Credence. “I know myself. I may not have been able to be myself around Ma, but I know who I am. What I want. My whole life I’ve been told what to do and how to feel. You never did that to me. Don’t start now.”

“I don’t think you could even begin to understand how happy I am that you came back. When they told what had happened-” The lump in his throat ended Percival’s train of thought. “I trust you. I love you.”

Credence lifted his head and pressed a kiss to Percival’s cheek. “Thank you.”

Before Percival could say anything else, Credence’s stomach let out a loud growl.

Percival chuckled. “Come on, let’s have breakfast. There is a box full of pastries that are just lying there.”

 

* * *

 

Percival poured Credence a cup of tea while he munched on a pastry.

“Where do you think we’d be now if everything had stayed the same?” Credence asked after taking a sip of his tea.

“Well, I was planning on taking you straight to Tina after your obscurus manifested in front of me. Assuming Newton still came here reeking havoc with those creatures, I’d have gotten him to help. If you wanted to, I’d have asked you to come and live with me, and I’d help you train in magic. Though I still may have asked you to travel with Newt. Staying in one place for so long can cloud a person's judgement. I think I’d still want you to experience new things before deciding on something committed with me.”

“Have you been to France?” he asked.

“Yes, I stayed in the Scamander family home almost every Summer till I started working for Congress.”

“You said their parents had died? When did that happen?”

“Theseus was twenty-one so Newt would have been about twelve? Thee practically raised Newt. He did a good job. But don’t tell Newt I said that.”

Credence laughed. “But you didn’t see Newt much?”

“Well, I started working for Congress when I turned twenty-two so never saw Newt much when he was older. I did, however, get letters from Theseus telling me all the problems he was having with Newt. Surprisingly the biggest of which was not getting expelled but him bringing home three kittens just before he started his second year at Hogwarts.”

“I love cats.”

“They’re still around I’m sure you’ll meet them.”

“That’s a long time for cats to live.”

“Oh magical cats live around thirty years, I knew one that was around till fifty. Thee's ones would only be about sixteen.”

“There are magic cats?”

“They are half Kneazle, a magical creature, and half no-maj domestic cats. They look the same as no-maj cats but they live longer, are more intuitive and can communicate with humans better.”

“Are there any talking animals?”

“The only creatures I know that can speak like humans do are Sphinx’s, but they are not the type of thing you’d keep as a pet. Newt’s always finding new creatures, I’m sure he’ll be able to tell you.”

“What are their cats called?”

Percival grinned. “You know Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland?”

“The book sent from Satan that encourages young children to sin?”

“Uh.”

Credence laughed. “I’m just yanking you. We weren’t allowed to read it, but I know what it is.”

“Very funny. Well anyway, that was Newt’s favourite book apparently, so he named the cats Alice, Dormouse and Hatter.”

“Are you talking about my cats?” Newt came into the kitchen.

“I was just telling Credence about the worst thing you did to your brother.”

Newt sat down next to Credence. “He loves them, that was a good thing I did.”

“I agree. For some reason, he doesn’t consider setting the parlour on fire a problem.”

“How did you set a room on fire?” Credence asked, wide-eyed and smiling. Percival couldn’t help but say an internal thank you to something higher than himself for Credence having returned. Animated and happy.

“It was an accident firstly. I was just messing around with some spells-”

“Which you weren’t allowed to do because you were underage and still at Hogwarts,” Percival added.

“I didn’t think anything would happen,” stressed Newt. “I just wanted to practise aguamenti, but for some reason, a fire happened instead of water.”

“Didn’t you get expelled from school? Wouldn’t be that the worst thing?” asked Credence. “Sorry, if that was rude.” He added quickly

“Not at all. Theseus was actually quite calm about the whole situation. I was doing some experiments with a friend. The animal we had was illegal to possess. She was trying to tame it, and another student got hurt. I knew that her family would make life very difficult for her, even hurt her, if she were to be expelled, so I took the blame. Theseus was very understanding. Luckily a professor of mine argued my case for keeping my wand, so Thee taught me magic from home.”

“Do you still talk to your friend?” inquired Credence.

“Oh yes, Leta and I are very close,” Newt said. “She doesn’t see her family anymore and is much better for it. She’s getting married soon. We’ll be travelling together at that point, you’re very welcome to accompany me to the wedding.”

“She’s a good one Leta,” said Percival. “Who’s she marrying?”

“Michael, a muggle from London. Works in their government,” replied Newt.

Percival snorted. “Bet that’s made her sacred twenty-eight loving family very happy.”

“She hasn’t spoken to them since she left Hogwarts.”

“Good. I’m not one to judge a whole family in the same way, but they are right pieces of work those Lestranges. The further away she is from them the better.”

“What’s a sacred twenty-eight?” questioned Credence.

“The closest example I can give you for no-majs is anti-miscegenation laws,” answered Percival. “Some people think only wizards should marry wizards and having no-majs in a wizarding family is a bad thing. There are twenty-eight wizarding families that have almost only wizards who married to and born from other wizards.”

“Leta’s family are on the more extreme side. There are some families aren’t so bothered about the whole thing,” added Newt.

“And by some, he means only one, the Weasley’s. And by extreme, he means that they’d have married her off to a cousin.”

Newt frowned. “Yes, well a situation like was certainly avoided. We can be grateful for that.” he glanced up at the clock on the wall and stood up abruptly. “Oh bugger, I must get a move on, or I am going to miss that portkey.”

“It was nice seeing you again, Newt.” Credence smiled politely.

“And you Credence. I am delighted everything has worked out the way it has. Good things in the end yes?”

“I’ll show you out, Newton,” Percival said also rising from his chair.

He followed Newt to out into the hallway.

“I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly, but I must go check on my creatures. There’s only one portkey to France today, and I don’t want to miss it.”

“That’s fine. When do you expect to be back?” asked Percival.

“I don’t need to be back in Borneo for another two weeks. I feel Credence needs some recovery time,” he looked at Percival sadly. “And I’m sure you’d like to spend time with him before he, goes away again.”

“You don’t need to look so apologetic. It is a very different type of leaving this time.”

“I didn’t give you much time to speak to him, but I think he is on board with this idea. I really do believe this is the best thing for him.” 

“I feel so guilty. He needs to train in magic, and he needs to have the life experiences the Salmers denied him but,” Percival sighed. “The look on his face was just, unbearable.”

“My brother was right. His judgement is his own, and he will understand. If when I return Credence is adamant in staying here, then that’s fine. I’ll come back in two weeks anyway.”

“I can’t thank you enough for coming here so unexpectedly.”

“It was my pleasure to help. I’m just glad everyone is okay.” Newt glanced down at his watch. “I really should be getting a move on.”

“Have you sent your things already?”

“Yes, thank you. I’ll be back here on the 15th. Two weeks to today.”

“Thank you again, Newton. I’ll put in some good words with Tina for you.” he winked. The rate at which Newt’s cheeks went red made Percival question how it was even humanly possible for them to do so. “Only teasing Newt. Best hurry along, I’ll walk you downstairs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always comments are welcome and so is criticism
> 
> Oh yeah AMERICANS WHO ARE 18 AND OVER  
> MID TERMS ARE IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS
> 
> Y'ALL BETTER FUCKING VOTE AND FLIP THOSE HOUSES BLUE 
> 
> CHECK YOU ARE REGISTERED TO VOTE AND GET OUT THERE ON VOTING DAY AND TAKE ALL UR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH YOU
> 
> much love  
> have a good day :)


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